Official PhanPhiction Academy
by M.A.Kolb
Summary: What happens when the characters of the Phantom of the Opera decide to form an academy on the proper way to write fanfiction? Pure mayhem.
1. Invitation to Pain

You knew that this had to be coming. Before we get to the story there are several people to credit. First, Gaston Leroux for creating this wonderful story. Second, to the wonderful Miss Cam who started it all with the Official Fanfiction University of Middle Earth. And third, to Eveline who started this particular story before handing it over to us. Several elements in the first few chapters belong to her.

Disclaimer: All characters/characterizations you recognize belong to Leroux or ALW. All other original characters belong to the authoresses

"You are my true love, and you have let me see beyond my darkness." With those words Erik kissed Cassandra. Cassandra lovingly returned the kiss.

"You are also my true love! You have rescued me from my terrible emotional scars of being abused as a child, and you have let me see beyond the scars that now cover my face because of that tragic carriage accident. Oh, 'when shall we two become one?'"

"Once you consent to becoming my wife."

Cassandra's eyes light up, making her more beautiful than ever (AN: especially more beautiful than that awful Christine!!!!!!!!!!!) and she smiled. "Oh, Erik I ----

A noise from across the room caused Eve to pause in mid-sentence. She looked up ready to yell at anyone who dared to interrupt her while she was writing. She needed complete silence while composing her 35 chapter story of the Phantom finding love after Christine cruelly left him. The over 200 people who had reviewed demanded that she update, and Eve wasn't one to keep her adoring public waiting. But the noise that had disrupted her thoughts earlier did not come from a person entering her room. Instead it came from behind her mirror.

The mirror started to shake and dislodge several pictures of Gerard Butler that had been stuck along the sides. Suddenly the mirror pivoted, and an arm appeared and grasped the side. Eve had backed herself against the far wall in fear, but she also secretly hoped that the Phantom would be on the other end of that arm. But the owner of the arm turned out to be a slight brown haired, blue eyed female who pushing her way out from behind the mirror. "I hate doing that, why couldn't Erik have used the door?" The figure said as she brushed dust from her dark skirts and straightened her chignon in the mirror.

Eve let out a sigh of disappointment; this was obviously not her Angel of Music. The only similarities were the dark cloak around her shoulders and, what was that on her belt, a Punjab lasso?! The figure finished muttering and turned her head with a bit of disdain in her eyes. She opened her mouth and when she began to speak, a disappointingly normal voice came out.

"Good evening, it is my duty to inform you that you have been drafted into the PhanPhiction Academy of the Phantom of the Opera. Well, let's take a look at your crimes." The figure sauntered over to the computer and started to read Eve's masterpiece. "Disgusting, obviously missed the line, 'God in heaven! You have given me all the happiness in the world.' Or, as you seem to prefer the musical and movie, the line 'you alone can make my song take flight.' Well, here you are." She said, shoving a thick envelope in Eve's hands. "Fill out these papers and someone will be back to collect you in the morning. Make sure to fill out everything and circle the beginner courses, those are mandatory. No, you are not dreaming. You will not wake up any minute now. No, you may not touch my lasso. Yes, I will Punjab you if necessary." The figure turned to leave when Eve got her voice back.

"Who are you?"

"Oh, I always forget that part. I am Mirielle. I am the chief of security at the PhanPhiction Academy of Phantom of the Opera and trainer of mini, well never mind, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise." With that, Mirielle stepped through the mirror and it pivoted back into place.

Eve looked warily at the large bundle of paper that had been thrust into her hands. It had been sealed with wax and was held together with a black ribbon. She nervously popped open the seal and sat down at her desk to read the letter.

Dear Mlle Eve,

As Mirielle has already informed you, you have been selected to attend the PhanPhiction Academy of Phantom of the Opera. The inhabitants of the world of 'The Phantom of the Opera' have become fed up with the quality of fanfiction on the internet, so they have decided to do something about it. You will not be able to write fanfiction until you have completed the courses at the Academy. If you do, well, trust me, you don't want to do that. Please fill out all the paperwork and I look forward to meeting you tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Mlle. Alaina

Eve put down the letter and began to flip through the rest of the materials in the packet. One sheet appeared to be a list of classes. Eve scanned the list and her apprehension started to increase some more. The list included 'Dos and Don'ts of 19th C. Society' taught by the Mme Girys, Christines, Carlottas, and Mlle. Alaina, 'Angels in the Opera' taught by the Christines, and 'Managers: Identity Crisis?' taught by MM Moncharmin, Richard, Andre, Firmin. But Eve did notice something that brightened her up a bit. There were to be several classes taught by Erik. Eve sighed as she put the paper down. Maybe this academy thing is worth it, if she gets to be close to the Phantom.

Slightly more excited now, Eve turned to the last item in the packet. It appeared to be a questionnaire of some sort. She picked up her pen and began to fill it out.

Name:

Gender: M/F

Lust Object: Erik/ Raoul/ Christine/ Other (please specify)

Preferred Occupation: Chorus singer, Ballet Corps, Stagehand, Patron

Vocal Range: Bass/ Baritone/ Tenor/ Alto/ Mezzo/ Soprano/ Don't Know

Instrument of Choice: Violin/ Piano/ Organ/ Tuba/ Trombone/ Other (please specify)

The list continued on and on. It took about an hour, but Eve finally finished it. She shuffled the papers back together and laid them on her desk. She was unsure what to do now, but realized that she was pretty tired. So she laid down on her bed and fell asleep. She didn't notice when the papers disappeared through her mirror.

The Persian proceeded slowly down to the fifth cellar. He had been sent by Mlle. Alaina to try to find Erik. He had not been present at the staff meeting, and Mlle. Alaina was worried that he was having second thoughts. Christine wanted to be the one to find Erik but Raoul held her back. When she began to argue, Mlle. Alaina said that she agreed with Raoul because when Christine went down to the fifth cellar, she and Erik tended not to be seen for about two weeks. And she would need everyone on hand when the students arrived. So the Persian was sent down instead. He was also one of the few who Mlle. Alaina trusted Erik not to kill on sight if he was in one of his moods.

The Persian eventually made his way to Erik's front door. Apparently, Erik wasn't in that bad of a mood because the Siren had been quiet and hadn't bothered the Persian as he crossed the lake. He opened the front door and walked in slowly. "Erik?" Walking in a few more feet, he called again, "Erik."

"Yes?" The Persian spun around, startled by the masked man that had snuck up behind him. He found himself just a few inches away from the Phantom of the Opera. Unfortunately, it was the wrong Phantom of the Opera.

"Um, not you. I was actually looking for the, uh, other Phantom. Although, you were not at the meeting either." The Persian paused and then said, "And since when do you answer to Erik? You are only referred to as the Phantom in the musical."

The half-masked Phantom sighed and said "I considered it inferred. I figured it was time that I had a name as well. Besides you have no idea what it is like to be called 'The Phantom' all the time." The Persian just looked at him, and the Phantom realized his mistake. "Ah, well maybe you do. Anyway if you are looking for the walking corpse, he is in the torture chamber." With that, the Phantom wandered away.

The Persian walked towards the back of the house and called out Erik's name again.

"Yes, Daroga?" Came the reply from within the torture chamber

"May I come in?"

"As long as that fop isn't with you"

"I trust you are referring to that mangy Vicomte, and not to me." The Persian jumped. The other Phantom of the Opera had once again snuck up behind him. "We had an agreement to live in peaceful coexistence."

"That was before you took my name," Erik responded, walking out of the chamber.

"I am based off of you, of course my name is Erik. I just thought it was time I used it."

"Listen, you 'slave of fashion.' I am only putting up with you because Mlle. Mirielle and Mlle. Alaina said they had a good reason for it. But stop taking what is solely mine!"

"Don't quote the musical to me, you bag of bones! I haven't taken anything that is solely yours. The name is mine too."

"No, it isn't! I am Erik! I am the Opera Ghost!"

"So am I!" At this point, both of the Eriks pulled out their Punjab lassos and seemed prepared to kill each other when the Persian stepped in.

"Monsieurs! Please! Save it for the students!" The Eriks relaxed slightly and the Persian jumped at the chance. He turned to the Erik he knew best and said, "Let him keep the name, you have many other things that he does not have, like the torture chamber. And maybe you can take something of his to even it out." The other Erik started at this and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Like what?"

Leroux!Erik thought a bit and said, "I want the staff you used to spit fire at the Vicomte." Webber!Erik looked as if he would refuse, but he nodded his assent.

"Good," said the Persian, "you can use that on the students." At this second mention of the students both Eriks looked unsure.

"I still don't like the idea of them staying at the opera house."

"Yes, no more peace and quiet."

"They will constantly try to come down here and attempt to sing for us." Both Eriks shuddered at this thought. They were about to continue when the Persian said,

"Most of them hate Christine."

"What?"

"Most of the incoming students think you would be better off with some other woman, and they hate Christine for leaving you."

There was a moment of silence and the two Eriks looked at each other and then tightened their hold on their respective Punjab lassos. They turned in unison to the Persian and Leroux!Erik said, "When do they arrive?"

Note: There is a method to our madness of having two Eriks. All will be revealed in the next chapter. Let the semester begin. cue insane laughter Due to 's policy on interactive stories you can't sign up to be a student through reviewing. Please travel to the author profile and E-mail us. Registration closes February 1, 2005.


	2. Orientation

Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.

An annoying noise woke Eve up. Her alarm clock must be on the fritz again. Unfortunately, when Eve opened her eyes she came face to face with a rather large cricket. Her screams echoed throughout the dormitory. Cries of "What is it?" "What is going on?" And "Where are we?" answered Eve's terrified screams.

"Oh, honestly! It is only Eric," came the exasperated reply from Mlle. Mirielle who had recently entered the dormitory. "Eric, come here sweetie," cooed Mlle. Mirielle, holding out her hand. The cricket, or Eric, jumped into her hand. "This is Eric, one of our not-so-mini mini grasshoppers and scorpions. You will learn more about them at the opening ceremony. Cecile, will you please help them?"

As soon as Mlle. Mirielle said that, a tutu clad ballerina jumped up onto a bed, a large smile on her face. "Hi! My name is Cecile Jammes and I am here to help you! First of all you need to hurry! The ceremony is starting in ten minutes in the auditorium and tardiness is frowned upon here." With that, the ballerina giggled and skipped out of the dormitory after Mlle. Mirielle and Eric.

Noting that everyone else in the room seemed to have the same expression of confusion on their faces, Eve asked, "Does anyone know what is going on?" Some shook their heads, but one girl answered.

"We are being forced to attend classes on the proper way to write a Phantom of the Opera fanfiction. I guess the characters are tired of the fanfiction so they are taking matters into their own hands. Well, at least that was what that letter said." She was about to say more when a disembodied voice thundered through the room

"Were you not instructed to go to the theater?"

Several girls cowered in their beds but others shrieked, "It's the Phantom of the Opera! It's Erik!"

The girls immediately tried to find where the voice was coming from. Some knocked on walls, others looked under beds, one tried to smash a vanity mirror, and one was attempting to pry up floorboards. Finally one of the older residents of the dormitories, she was a smallish woman in her mid thirties, suggested that they go to the theater. The girls left all together and followed the well marked signs to the theater. Eve looked in wonder at all the rooms and side hallways that branched off the one they were on. One room especially caught her attention; it had a sign on it that read: _The Salon of Spelling. _

The students slowly made their way into the great horseshoe auditorium that was halfway filled with other befuddled people. Nervous whispers broke out among the students until the gaslights on the stage lit up. Anxiously, the students leaned forward, wondering who next would show up from their fandom. Two women, both dressed in simple 19th Century clothing, walked to center stage. One of the women was easily recognized as Mlle. Mirielle, but the other woman was an unknown entity to those present. She resembled Mlle. Mirielle except she was shorter and had an older air about her.

"Hello," said the shorter of the two women. "I am Mlle. Alaina, the course coordinator of this establishment. Welcome to the Official PhanPhiction Academy of 'The Phantom of the Opera.' As you know this is Mlle. Mirielle, trainer of our beloved not–so-mini grasshoppers and scorpions, and chief of security. She will tell you several basic rules that you must follow if you are to escape unmaimed from this Academy."

Mlle. Mirielle stepped forward and said, "Here are some rules at the Academy. 1) Thou shalt not try to kill characters. 2) Thou shalt not try to bed characters. 3) The fifth cellar and Box Five are strictly off limits. 4) The Staff section is also not a safe place to be." Mlle. Mirielle stepped back after reciting the rules and looked over at Mlle. Alaina.

"We also have a few mottos and one bible. This," Mlle. Alaina said, holding up The Essential Phantom of The Opera, "is your bible. You will read it, including footnotes, and carry it everywhere with you. The mottos are as such: Leroux is God and Kay is not canon. On a side note, OPA does not endorse ships of any kind. We figured that would make life easier since the ship 'discussions' can get pretty intense. As our good Head of Security no doubt told you, you are here to learn about Phantom of the Opera FanFiction. Once the speeches are concluded you will be called one by one before a review consul to point out weaknesses. Then you will enroll in courses, taught by our staff, which is required to fix your stories. As you no doubt have already realized, given your signature on the enrollment sheets you have basically signed your life over to us. OPA is not responsible for any maiming, psychological torture, and/or deaths. With that said, Mlle. Mirielle will you please bring in our staff?"

With a nod, Mlle. Mirielle left the stage to return shortly with a long line of people behind her.

"OHMIGAD! It's RAOUL!" came a cry from the back of the auditorium. Followed shortly by another observation, "THERE are TWO of them!"

More cries resounded throughout the theaters, especially the shouts of dismay when no masked entity came on the stage. Where is Erik? Eve thought. He is the main character isn't he? Eve was quickly jerked out of her thoughts as several students charged the stage in the direction of the two Raouls. Before they could get to their prize, a large scorpion leapt in front of them, brandishing its pincers and stinger.

"Get in your seats now," Mlle. Alaina's cold voice commanded the students, whom immediately slinked back to their seats.

Leroux!Raoul crouched down and petted the scorpion "Thank you, Roul."

"This is a not-so-mini scorpion," Mlle. Alaina said, pointing at Roul. "Every time one of misspell a character's name a scorpion or grasshopper is born. Their purpose is to guard the faculty from you sea of raging hormones. Now, back to the subject at hand. As many of you have so _cleverly_ noted there are duplicates of many of the characters. This is due to the popularity of both the Leroux and Webber universe, which are both held as canon. These characters will teach you the proper way to write about them."

Mlle. Mirielle continued after Mlle. Alaina, "There will be several guest speakers who will visit us through out the semester such as Erik Destler who will teach you imbeciles how to write a proper murder scene without the Punjab Lasso. Also, Susan Kay Erik will come and speak on several occasions, depending on how his heart fares. Oh, and on the subject of the Eriks. You will hardly see them as they are very private characters. They may even choose not to show up for classes. Oh, and Mlle. Alaina has already given the Eriks leave to Punjab or torture any student who attempts to sing for them or cross the lake. Any questions?"

Uproar shot up in the auditorium. A smile crossed Mlle. Alaina's face, "Good, no questions. Please, return to your dormitories until one of the staff fetches you for your review."

* * *

Eve was nervous. She was sitting in the waiting room outside the manager's office which served as the review room. She had to wait an hour before Leroux! Christine came to fetch her. (Who knew Christine was blonde?) Christine was a bit chilly to Eve but nothing too cruel. Three students have already gone in the room, none have come out. The creaking door brought her out of her thoughts.

"They are ready for you," Christine said, walking into the room. The room was dimly lit and there was a Queen Anne's coach sitting in the middle of the room. A long desk was sitting at the far wall with three people sitting at it. A Middle Eastern man, a severe looking woman, and an Erik!

"Thank you, my dear. Could you please get Stefanie from the stagehand dormitory?" Erik's mellifluous voice floated through the room. With a nod and smile, Christine left the room. The severe looking woman leaned forward over the table and spoke, "My name is Madame Giry, the Webber one, let us begin."

AN: Please review and remember, no signing up for OPA through reviews.


	3. Consequences of Stupidity

Eve groaned as she opened her eyes. Her entire body hurt, but especially her head and neck. She noticed she was in her bed in the dormitories and wonder how she got there. The last thing she remembered was going in for her fanfiction review. She was in the room with Webber! Madame Giry, a Middle Eastern man, and an Erik. Madame Giry had been reading her a list of complaints against her fanfiction and…and then Eve could remember nothing.

"Look, she's awake." Eve looked over as several girls ran to her. They stopped at her bed and looked at her in awe.

"What?" But the girls just continued to stare at her. Eve started to feel very uncomfortable. "What?" she asked again.

One girl finally broke out of her state, looked around, and then whispered, "Did you really take off one of the Eriks' masks?" Eve shot up in bed.

"WHAT?!"

One of the other girls nodded. "Yeah, Stefanie from the stagehand dormitory was after you and she heard it all. She heard all sounds of commotion coming from the room as Leroux! Christine was bringing her down. She only caught a glimpse of the room as Christine ran in, but she didn't really see anything. She could only guess based on the noises she heard what was going on. So, we were wondering if you really did it?"

Eve was about to reply that she did no such thing, when her memory began to come back to her. Omigod! She had pulled off his mask! Or, attempted to anyway.

She hadn't been paying attention to what Madame Giry was saying; she kept looking at Erik and was wondering why he was wearing a full black mask. Erik should only be wearing a half mask. She started inching closer to the table while Madame Giry droned on. As soon as Erik had turned his head away from her, Eve dove for him.

Unfortunately, Eve had forgotten that the Phantom of the Opera is not one to be taken by surprise. She also forgot what happens when someone goes for the mask. Eve quickly found herself on the ground with the Punjab lasso around her throat, and everyone was yelling. She felt the lasso getting tighter and tighter. She eventually blacked out from lack of oxygen.

Eve realized the girls were still waiting for an answer. "I guess I did."

"Wow," said the first girl. "That takes a lot of guts. I could never have done it. I am Jacqueline, by the way." She held out her hand and Eve shook it. "So what possessed you to take it off?"

Eve shook her head. "I don't know. I guess I couldn't understand why he had a full black mask on, so I decided to remove it."

"He had a full mask on because he is the Leroux! Erik. Honestly, haven't you read the book?" came a haughty voice from across the room. Eve blushed because she hadn't found time to read the novel, and she assumed that the movie was just as good. Before she could respond, one of the other girls, whose name Eve vaguely remembered was Kat, said,

"Ignore her, she is just upset that she is even here. She thinks her fanfiction is inspired. Plus she tried to attack after one of the Raouls, but ended up being tackled by a not-so-mini scorpion. She has been complaining for a very long time."

Eve nodded. "Alright." She began to rub her throat and remembered the feel of the lasso around her neck. "How am I still alive?"

"You are alive because Christine still has some sway over Erik." All the girls turned and looked at Mlle. Alaina, as she walked into the room. "You are very lucky that she came in when she did, and that she felt some sort of pity for you. I have no idea why because you are not very kind to her in your fanfiction. Personally, I would have let Erik Punjab you."

Mlle. Alaina stopped at the foot of Eve's bed and glared at her. "You're especially lucky since it was Leroux! Erik. He has not been a good mood since the Academy was announced. And now he has retreated back down to the Fifth Cellar, so it will be awhile before we see him again. Unfortunately, Mlle. Eve, you seemed to have made a very dangerous enemy on your first day. Best keep an eye out for trap doors and keep your hand at the level of your eye." There came some clicking noise by Mlle. Alaina's feet. Eve looked down and noticed one of the not-so-mini scorpions. It seemed to be really upset with her.

Mlle. Alaina followed her gaze to the not-so-mini scorpion. "Ah, I guess I should also warn you to stay out of the way of not-so-minis who come from Erik's name. They are very protective of him. Erick, here, is most upset"

Mlle. Alaina looked around at the other girls and then addressed the room in general. "This is a general warning to all students. DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, try to remove one of the Eriks' masks. We didn't believe there would be anyone stupid enough to actually do this, so it wasn't mentioned during orientation. Mlle. Eve was very lucky that Leroux! Christine was nearby. Although, I don't think she will intercede for a student a second time."

She glared at Eve again. "In fact, I believe that she is very upset. She is walking around muttering about 'Poor, unhappy Erik.' And this is causing Leroux! Raoul to become very upset as well. So, on your first day, you have managed to cause turmoil among the three main characters from Leroux. This is not a good way to start the semester."

With that, she turned and left and Erick trailed after her, after clicking his pinchers a couple more times in Eve's direction. Eve fell back on her bed and just thought about how doomed she was.

AN: To all who signed up we want to take this time to 1) say thank you and 2) we are not reading and critiquing your stories. So, do not take anything said with your name personally. We are using your students as a way to illustrate the faults of other fanfiction authors. Remember to not sign up over review and keep your hand at the level of your eyes.


	4. Clothing, Christines, and Eriks! Oh my!

The next day started off worse than the first for Eve. She was thankful that she did not have an Eric on her today, but apparently Erick and Roul decided that the underside of her bed made an excellent battle ring.

The day before had ended with a speech by an irritable Daroga. Apparently, Eve's decision to take off Leroux!Erik's mask, and therefore be punjabbed, caused an eruption of an _Ultimate Opera Ghost _competition between the two Eriks. By the Daroga's count, there had been twenty-seven punjabbings that day, fifteen for Leroux!Erik and twelve for Webber!Erik. Someone (a stagehand named Gaia suspected it was Erick, Eric, and Eirk) constructed a score board that hung over the center of the auditorium. It engulfed the chandelier and told the updated scores of the _Ultimate Opera Ghost _competition. There was still some debate on whether punjabbing the same person more than once counted (six of the twenty seven were either Webber! or Leroux! Raoul.)

The main complaint among the majority of students was the clothes they were forced to wear. Too often, in fanfiction, the characters were forced to wear era inappropriate clothing so, according to their occupation; the students were forced to wear the correct clothing. Ballerinas had tutus, chorus girls had simple dresses, divas had elaborate dresses, patrons had corsets and tuxedos, and the stagehands ended up with the most comfortable clothing.

Breakfast that morning was less subdued than dinner the night before. Many students began to form groups based on their respective lust object. Random was forming a coalition of Erik lovers (they were planning to swim the lake despite Mlle. Alaina's warning.) An offshoot of the Erik lovers' group was the "We hate Christine" organization (this group was not very active as they soon became aware that they were being stalked by the Eriks.) There was also the "Vive le Vicomte!" group, but their numbers were very small. Even Philippe de Chagny had a group (unfortunately the group's president was also its only member, but Irene had high hopes that the numbers would increase soon)

Eve had gained celebrity status among all the students at OPA. In the twenty one punjabbings of students, she was the only one that actually got the mask off Leroux! Erik's face. Everyone wanted to know how bad his face really was. Eve had hoped to suffer amnesia so that Erik would take pity on her, in return for her silence. Sadly, Eve had yet to show the intelligence that OPA was going to beat into them.

"Oh, you won't believe it! It is worse than Gerard Butler's deformity, and his was horrific! This Erik didn't have a nose! No nose!" On and on, Eve talked about Erik's face and even those who were well versed in Leroux listened. Aislin, who prided herself on her knowledge of Leroux, hung onto every word with perverse fascination.

"Something brushed my foot!" one of the girls from the ballet dormitory suddenly cried. This caused a cry from those in a thirty foot radius of the tutu clad girl. A large grasshopper jumped on the table and started leaping from plate to plate, picking up bits of food as it went.

"Mlle. Mirielle!" cried one of the few men in the Academy, hoping that the not-so-mini trainer would rein in the mad grasshopper.

An older man with a slim and weak build came to catch the grasshopper, "Moncharmon! Stop it this instance!" The grasshopper immediately acquiesced to the man's demands.

"Aw, M. Moncharmin, thank you," Mlle. Mirielle said, who came running at the sounds of the stagehand's shouts. "I was busy taking care of some Egyptian countess who claimed that she was emotionally beaten by her brother's horse's sister's owner's cousin."

"Oh dear, is she all right?" M. Moncharmin asked with mock concern.

"A Sue," Mirielle said as she fiddled at the lasso at her belt. "She was taken of, just fine." Mirielle looked at the students who were getting up from the floor. "If you see a Sue you come and report to me right away." With that she, M. Moncharmin, and Moncharmon sauntered off to the staff table that was located in an over hanging balcony.

"So what are your guys' first class?" asked Jacqueline trying to bring the conversation back to a more normal level.

"I have Angels in the Opera first, I was hoping for something with an Erik," Taylor admitted.

"I have that too!" Eve said, she was not looking forward to spending an hour with two air headed Christines.

"I think everyone who wrote another woman story has that class," said Breanna. "I have Poetry 101 at 12:00. Erik told me, and I quote, 'Mademoiselle, if I ever spout garbage such as this song, I will cut my vocal cords and incinerate my _Don Juan Triumphant_.'"

"It is nearly 10:00, do you think we should head to class?" asked Eve.

"Oh, c'mon, a class taught by the Christines? What are they going to do if we are late?" Willow Rose said.

* * *

"Um, excuse me, Mademoiselles, but you are late," came a quiet reprimand from the dark haired Webber!Christine. Willow Rose and Arias who had just entered the class ten minutes late waved off the Christines and settled down on a couch. There were no males in this class because most of the males in the _Phantom of the Opera_ fandom loved Christine. The classroom was an enlarged dressing room that was furnished with an eclectic collection of furniture. The walls were pink and there was a large mirror on one side of the room. The two Christines were standing next to a large blackboard that said, '_Angels in the Opera: We are not crazy' _complete with doodles of tiny angels. 

"Um, well, let us start out the lesson by introducing ourselves. I am Christine from the musical," said Webber!Christine, "and this is Christine from Leroux. This course is to show you that we are not stupid and crazy for believing in angels."

"We aren't insane," Leroux!Christine interrupted.

"Yes, we aren't. We are very Christian girls who believe in angels and our fathers told us that an Angel of Music will visit us. So, when Erik visited us, we had a basis for believing in him," Webber!Christine continued. She looked over at Leroux!Christine, "Is there anything else you want to say?"

"No," Leroux! Christine said. Eve looked at Kat in amusement; these two airheads couldn't even teach a class on themselves! Erik really was better off with Cassandra. Several other girls started giggling to themselves. The Christines looked unnerved by the sudden wave of giddiness throughout the room.

"You will have a final exam in this class," Webber!Christine said trying to restore order. It worked like a charm, with the utterance of the dreaded word 'exam' the class fell deathly quiet.

"You will write a paper, yes, a paper," Leroux!Christine said, trying to help out her counterpart. The students smelled a lie. The Christines really didn't have an exam ready, or even an idea. The girls immediately were out of hand and started complaining to the Christines, making fun of them, and generally causing a ruckus. The Christines tried to get them back in order.

"SILENCE!" came a voice out of the din. Everyone looked at the now blushing Leroux!Christine who had shouted the command. "If you aren't quiet and good we will have Mlle. Alaina or Mlle. Mirielle come and sit in class. If you really misbehave, we will ask the Eriks to punjab you."

"Punjab them? Do we want to go that far?" Webber!Christine whispered, "we asked them not to Punjab the students. Will they even do it?"

"Of course, my dear," came a familiar voice to Eve. It was Leroux!Erik and he did not sound happy.

"Oh, shit," Eve and Kat whispered.

A/N: Thank you for all who have reviewed and enrolled in the Academy. We do want to say one thing though. It has come to our attention that people do not understand the point of enrolling. We do not look at or critique your actual writing. You enroll in these types of fanfiction universities for fun. We then take your names and stick them in our story. The questionnaire you filled out helps us classify your character. What your character does in the story or what happens to them has no basis on your real writing. If you still don't understand, our only suggestion is to read the first couple chapters of The Official Fanfiction University of Middle Earth by Miss Cam. That should illustrate greatly what happens when you enroll. If you overly sensitive to what happens to your character, please do not enroll. Once you enroll, you give us free reign over the character.


	5. Erik Raoul Slash Bad

Eve raced through the halls of the opera house, cursing her skirts. She had stayed up late the night before, partly finishing an essay that the Christines had assigned (actual Leroux!Erik assigned it on their behalf, which was why Eve actually finished it) and partly helping the Erik lovers plan a way to get to the fifth cellar. She figured the Eriks would Punjab all those that were caught beneath the opera house, and thus lessen the competition (Eve realized that Leroux!Erik would sooner kill her than talk to her, so she now had her sights set on Webber!Erik.) Needless to say, she overslept. And then, as she was running to her class, "Feminism in the 19th Century", she ran into Rauol, Eirk, and Christene. They were re-enacting the Final Lair scene from the ALW Musical…and taking up the entire hallway. Eve could only get through when they had finished. As she continued to run to her class, she wished she had acid to burn the image of a grasshopper and a scorpion kissing from her mind.

She finally reached the classroom and slipped inside. Fortunately, the teacher had not arrived yet. Eve sat in an empty seat next to Constance. "What's going on?"

Constance shrugged her shoulders. "Whoever is teaching hasn't shown up yet." As soon as she uttered these words, Comte Philippe de Chagny came striding into the room.

"I'm sorry I am late. I was dealing with some relentless pursuers." As an emphasis to his statement, he pointed to the hallway where the students could see the not- so- mini grasshopper, Philipee, pulling two large sacks behind him. The sacks were screaming and promising to be good, but Philipee ignored this and continued to pull them to wherever he was going. The Comte returned his attention to the class and said, "I hope you will all take a lesson from the actions of Irene and Stefanie. Do not attempt to 'glomp' me!"

Lexy raised her hand, and when Philippe nodded to her, she spoke. "Um, why are you teaching a feminism class? Shouldn't it be taught by a, um, female?

"Excellent question. I shall answer it momentarily. First, I would like to make one point clear. I am dead. As dead as a man can be who has drowned. It doesn't matter if you believe I fell into the lake myself, or was 'helped' by Erik. Either way, I am still dead. So I should not be in any of your "sequels" to _The Phantom of the Opera_. Now, are there any questions? None? Good."

"I am teaching this class because there were very little feminist movements in the 19th Century. You fanfiction writers tend to give your original female characters, or even female canon character qualities that did not exist in the 1800s. So you will be instructed on the proper amount of feminism a female character should have by me."

Before he could continue, Webber!Erik stormed into the classroom. "Everybody out! There is an emergency assembly in the auditorium! Out! Out! OUT!" All the students in the room high tailed it out of there as fast as they could. They completely ignored the protestations of the Comte, and didn't notice when Erik whispered something in his ear, and they certainly didn't see Philippe's eyes flash dangerously

* * *

When the students reached the auditorium, they were greeted by the glares of both Eriks AND both Raouls. Seeing the, normally mild-mannered, Raouls mad did not make the students feel any less uneasy. When all had assembled, Leroux!Erik stalked to the edge of the stage and shouted at the top of his lungs (which were very powerful, him having the voice of an angel and all), "I DO NOT LOVE THE FOP! NOR DO I WANT HIS, AND I QUOTE, "SWEET, YOUNG, HANDSOME BODY!"

Webber!Erik walked up next to Leroux!Erik and said, "As much as it pains me to agree with 'No-Nose' I am also thoroughly sickened by what I just read. I would have dropped the chandelier if Mlle. Alaina had not stopped me."

"And I would never touch the walking corpse!" As soon as Leroux!Raoul said that, Leroux!Erik whirled around and started walking towards Raoul.

"What did you call me?"

Leroux!Raoul started backing up nervously. "Ummm."

"Hey!" Everyone looked towards the staff balcony where the rest of the staff had gathered to watch the event. Mlle. Mirielle was leaning over the balcony. "We agreed that you could have this assembly if you worked together. So, no punjabbing the Raouls!

"Yes, Erik. Do try and keep a level head," said the Persian

"I wouldn't talk so fast, Daroga. Apparently you missed the one about you and I 'sharing each others bodies under the Persian sun.'" At this, the Persian fell silent and his skin turned a couple shades lighter.

"Oh come on. You know you two want each other. You are just in denial." Everyone turned and looked at Deirdre in shock. She had openly challenged the Eriks! Those who were sitting beside her quickly got up and moved. Meanwhile, Leroux!Erik's eyes narrowed then he turned and whispered something to Webber!Erik. He nodded and disappeared in a flash of light.

"Well, my dear. Since you know so much about Persia, this little part shouldn't be a surprise to you." As soon as he said that, Deirdre disappeared beneath the floor. When the students looked back to the stage, they saw that Leroux!Erik was gone as well.

Up in the staff balcony they heard Leroux!Madame Giry say to M. Andre "Oh dear. I guess Erik added another entrance to his torture chamber."

With mock seriousness, M. Andre replied, "Yes, it is quite a pity she happened to be sitting there." Then all the staff members burst out laughing.

Back on stage, the Webber!Raoul realized that nothing he could say or do could out do the Eriks, so he just said, "So, don't write any more slash about the Eriks. Or us." A cough sounded from above. "Or the Persian."

The students then left the auditorium with their eyes glued to the ground to look for any surprise trapdoors.

A/N: Some people have inquired who our Webber!Erik is based on. He is just a generic Webber!Erik. But, if you want, you can imagine any stage Phantom you want. Be it Michael Crawford, Brad Little, Peter Karrie, Gary Mauer, John Owen-Jones, Hugh Panero, etc. But we are telling you, Webber!Erik is not Gerry!Erik. We consider him separate from the stage Phantom. But don't worry Gerry fans, Gerik (Gerry!Erik) will make an appearance at some point.


	6. What's in a name?

Morlock ran into the library (which used to be a prop room) and announced, "Hey, I just saw Deirdre." Everyone stopped what they were doing, from writing essays on why Raoul is not a wife-beating rapist to attempting to figure out how a safety pin _can_ work to secure 20,000 francs (extra credit from M. Moncharmin and M. Richard) to arguing over who was the better choice for Christine (or, in other words, who is the better lust object, Erik or Raoul?)

"Is she alive?" Janella asked.

Morlock nodded, "Yes, she is, but she seemed a bit off. She kept muttering something about the African sun. I didn't get to talk to here because La Carlotta came sweeping up and announced that she had need of her 'assistant.' She then took Deirdre by the arm and pulled her down the hall."

Janella turned to Stefanine and said, "Pay up. She's alive." Stefanine grumbled, but handed Janella the money. Janella then went around the room to collect from the other people who bet that the Eriks had killed Deirdre.

Eve sighed as she gave up her money. She was so certain that she made the right bet, but Eve supposed she should have been tipped off when the Persian placed a bet that Deirdre would live.

Morlock came and sat down at the table with Eve, Angela Rae, and Catherine. "La Carlotta, huh?" Catherine said as soon as Morlock took her seat.

"Yeah, I guess she decided that it was time to make an appearance. I was wondering why it seemed relatively quiet around here."

"I am surprised that Deirdre wanted to be her assistant." Angela Rae said as she was attempting to twist a safety pin around some francs. She let out a little yelp as the pin flew from her hands and hit M. Reyer (who had stopped by to see what the results of the betting had been). All four girls immediately pretended that they hadn't seen the pin, and ignored M. Reyer's cry of shock.

Morlock leaned over the table and motioned the others come closer. She said in a low voice, "I don't think she had any choice. I think the Eriks made it part of her punishment. She kept looking around at the shadows as if she was scared something would happen to her if she didn't go with Carlotta."

Catherine sat back and whistled. "Wow, the wrath of the Eriks is terrible."

Eve (who had been on the receiving end of the wrath of just _one_ of the Eriks) nodded, "Yes, it is." She then looked at the clock that was perched, rather precariously, on some old stage furniture. "Oh, we have to get to that name seminar, before all the good seats are taken. Terrible anger or not, I still want a close stage seat to see Webber!Erik." The other girls nodded and then they left the library.

* * *

Eve entered the auditorium and took note of the score of the _Ultimate Opera Ghost _Competition. Webber!Erik had gained some ground due to the recent episode with Deirdre, but Leroux!Erik had also gained points because of that same event. Julie had said earlier that no matter what Webber!Erik did, he could never catch up with Leroux!Erik because Leroux!Erik was the original Opera Ghost, and, thus, the best. The fan girls of Webber!Erik took offense at this and their 'discussion' soon turned into a face slapping, hair-pulling fight. Eirk and Bucquet had to separate them. 

Eve found a good seat up front and prepared herself to spend the seminar drooling over Webber!Erik. But to her disappointment, none of the Eriks appeared on stage. Mlle. Ariana walked on stage with Erick following in her wake. "Welcome to the _To Name or Not to Name: When Are Names Canon_ seminar. We will start with addressing the naming of the Persian." She gestured to her left and the Persian came walking on.

"I have no canon name. I am simply referred to as 'the Persian' throughout the book. At least, I am hoping that it was just a description based on my nationality and not because my parents named me 'The' and my last name was 'Persian.' Anyway, you may notice that Erik often refers to me as Daroga. That is a professional title, not a name."

"But, I thought your name was Nadir Kahn," called out Aelfwyn Nucristwen.

The Persian looked to the ceiling for a minute and then addressed the students. "Ah, yes. The Nadir angle. While I am most appreciative of Mme. Kay for actually giving me a name and a story…." He suddenly lowered his voice and mumbled something. Eve could not hear all of it, but she did hear "at least in the story…not Ledoux…stupid Andrew Lloyd Webber…stupid Madame Giry…my job!" The Persian then stopped mumbling and continued. "My name is not necessarily Nadir Kahn. I have no objections to writers using this name, but it is not canon. So don't expect me to answer when you call out 'Nadir,'" With that he turned around and walked off the stage.

Mlle. Alaina walked back to the center of the stage. "We were suppose to have Webber!Erik talk about names dealing with him, but he seems to have disappeared… again." A chorus of groans answered this announcement, along with cries of "But I did my hair just for him" and "How is he supposed to hear me sing now?" Erick jumped in front of Mlle. Alaina and began to click his pinchers rapidly. Even though the students don't speak 'scorpion,' they got the basic gist of his message and stopped talking about his namesake.

Mlle. Alaina opened her mouth to speak, when a note floated down from the catwalks above the stage. She caught it in mid air and opened it up. After briefly scanning the contents, Mlle. Alaina looked out over the students and smiled. "Webber!Erik has seen fit to inform me that he has been busy discussing something of great importance with Leroux!Erik." She paused and a frown briefly crossed her face. Eve figured she was thinking what they all were…two mentally unstable geniuses collaborating together did not bode well. But the frown quickly disappeared and Mlle. Alaina continued

"He has written down a few notes that he wishes me to convey to you. Even though he is going by the name Erik at OPA, he is never mentioned as having a name in the musical. So if you wish to write a post musical story, make sure you incorporate some way to explain how Christine and other characters know his name. Or you will be punjabbed. He does not have a last name, so if you make one up, make sure it is decent and there is an acceptable story behind it. Or be punjabbed. In fact, the basic point of his note is to do what he says or be punjabbed." As soon as she finished speaking, maniacal laughter was heard, echoing throughout the auditorium. It slowly began to fade and then it was silent.

The silence was then broken by slight dinging sounds. Everyone looked up at the _Ultimate Opera Ghost _competition scoreboard. Apparently threatening notes and maniacal laughter were key points in being the _Ultimate Opera Ghost_ because Webber!Erik's score increased enough that it was within two points of Leroux!Erik's.

A cry of "YES!" rang out. The students decided that they had somewhere else better to be than the auditorium when Leroux!Erik realized his lead was in great jeopardy. They ran out of the auditorium, keeping a close eye on areas that could conceal an Opera Ghost bent on increasing his score.

* * *

A/N: On a note of applications. OFUM at it's peak had over 500 students enrolled. OPA only has around 20 so as a result we, the authoresses, have decided that enrollment will be open until the end of OPA. Please remember that signing up through a review constitutes an instant punjabbing. 


	7. Sneakyness doesn't pay

"Shh!" Jenny shushed as she led her 'squad' through the Opera House at night. Enough was enough. The Christines had gone too far.

They had been talking to the Eriks about their voice lessons when the Leroux!Raoul found them. Leroux!Raoul, being true to his Leroux character, started to cry and went to find Webber!Raoul and Philippe. The three de Chagnys went into a fury and attempted to attack the Eriks and (the Raouls, anyway) attempted to win back the Christines' hearts. This lead to two sulking O.G.s, three battered de Chagnys, and two extremely confused (yet emotionally volatile) Christines.

The fan girls decided they needed to put the Christines out of the commission for a short period of time. So, Jenny gathered all of the Raoul and Erik fan girls into one large horde. She claimed she only needed the Erik fan girls in her endeavor because the other Raoul fan girls were too afraid. However, she shut up quickly when Sarah and Rooklyn pointed out there weren't any other Raoul fan girls.

So, it was that twenty some Erik and Raoul fan girls (and Andtauriel Longwood, call me Andy who was looking for Webber!Meg) were creeping towards the staff dormitory. Everyone in the Opera knew where the staff dormitory began. It was the one aspect of the Opera that was not Leroux or Webber verse. There was an odd Egyptian statue in the Opera with a hidden button at the base. When one pushed the button, one of the walls goes back in order to allow the person access to the staff section. Angele Souv claimed it was from a mini series with Charles Dance. The only problem with the statue is that it moved, one moment it would be at the base of the Grand Stairway, the next in the manager's office. It took the girls two hours, but they finally found the statue in one of The Persian's classrooms (a room the girls rather abhorred because The Persian was notorious for making the students write lines, in Farsi.)

Eve wasn't that nervous about breaking into the staff section, the Eriks were ensconced down below, weren't they?

"Do you think we should drug them or lock them up?" asked Puredeadthingy. Puredeadthingy wanted to show some mercy on the Christines because they upset the Raouls, she hated the Raouls. Also, she was partial to Gerik (or Shumacher!Erik) so no harm was done upsetting the other Eriks. She was mainly around for the adventure, life was boring with the chorus singers sometimes, all they did was vocalize randomly.

"I still say we pour citric acid down their throats, they couldn't sing for days!" exclaimed Piper. "The Eriks won't like them if they can't sing."

"Well, what happens when they were able to tell them who did it?" Eve asked. She was in favor of knocking them out quickly, no visual evidence. Jenny suddenly shushed the girls again, they had entered the dormitory. The hallway was dark with several low lit sconces on the wall. All in all, quite spooky.

None of the girls talked as they crept down the hallway. The first doorway didn't even come until they were ten paces down the hall. After a quick muffled debate, it was decided that DeeDee was to open the door to see who was inside. She quickly opened the door and stepped aside. On the bed, they could see a person with long blonde hair, Leroux!Christine! All the girls rushed forward to their first target and quickly turned her over. They were mistaken. It was Webber!Meg. Startled, Meg shot up to look at all the girls crowded around her bed (and one girl in the back, Andy, attempting to push her way to the front.) After a few seconds the girls all stared at the Meg and the Meg stared at the girls. Then Webber!Meg did what she was famous for, screaming.

The girls ducked their heads and covered her ears at the horrific scream that filled the room and the hall. The low lit sconce flared to life and a thumping came down the hall. The girls huddled together, thinking it was mother tiger, Webber!Madame Giry, coming to rescue her daughter.

Eve poked her head at the door to see what exactly was coming down the hall, she didn't remember Webber!Madame Giry being a large woman capable of shaking the floor. Eve's eyes nearly popped out of their skull when she saw what was coming. The world's largest orangutan dressed in a pink dress and a small princess crown was thumping down the hall. The orangutan threw girls out of the way in order to get to the distraught Meg.

"Pre-Madonna! Thank you so much!" cried Meg as she spotted the large ape. The ape seemed to have nodded to the Meg before chasing the rest of the girls out of the staff section. The girls didn't stop running, though Andy and Jenny were a bit reluctant, until they reached their dormitories.

* * *

The next morning the students were greeted with a message from the grasshoppers to go to the auditorium, immediately. Most of the students were befuddled to why they were there, but there were many guilty, and tired, faces in the audience.

Mlle. Alaina and Mlle. Mirielle both took the stage as soon as everyone was seated. Sitting in the chairs behind them was a skittish Meg, comforted by her Webber!mother.

With a glint in her eyes, Mirielle spoke first, "So, I see some of you tried to get into the staff section last night-"

She was interrupted by a maniacal laugh ringing through the rafters. "That will do, Leroux!Erik," Mlle. Alaina said, peevishly.

Her response was a different maniacal laugh, from Webber!Erik. Than, a response from Leroux!Erik. Thus, the great Maniacal Laugh War of OPA began.

* * *

Thank you for your kind reviews. Remember, enrollment is still open just send an e-mail to us that contains your answers to the questionnaire in chapter on and any other relevant information. No enrolling through reviews.

Note: Ledoux is not a misspelling of Leroux. Ledoux is the French inspector in the 1924/25 silent movie of _Phantom of the Opera_ with Lon Chaney.


	8. Sleepless Nights and Other Women

"Bwahahahahaha!"

"Ahahahahahaha!"

"Muwahahahaha!"

"Hahahahahahaha!"

Carrie groaned, "Won't those two ever shut up?" Sleepy agreements were murmured throughout the chorus singers' dormitory.

"Are they doing this to punish us? Or, are they both too stubborn to stop unless the other stops first?" Neshomeh asked.

"I bet it is both," came a response from somewhere in the dark room. This was day (well night) three of the great Maniacal Laugh War of OPA. The laughing had been going on almost that entire time. Certain not-so-minis (mainly Bucquet and Bouquet) were becoming so traumatized by the constant laughter that Mlle. Mirielle had to take them off the active duty roster.

"Ahahahahahaha!"

The room groaned collectively. "Isn't the staff bothered by the laughing as well? I mean it has to keep them up at night," Kaydence's voice was muffled, as she had her pillow held tight over her head.

Eve spoke up, "I overheard The Persian saying something to M. Poligny about the staff section being made sound proof. So I guess it doesn't bother them."

"Muwahahahaha!"

Jacqueline sat up in bed and looked around. "Hey, has anyone seen Victoria? She left to use the bathroom a long time ago."

Bwahahahahaha!"

"Hahahah-" The laughter cut off, and then there was blissful silence. After a minute or two, a voice then cried out,

"Yes! I win"

"No, you don't! I just had to Punjab a luster (Jacqueline was then heard saying "Never mind"). It is a legitimate reason to break off in mid-laugh."

"There are no rules in the great Maniacal Laugh War of OPA. I have won!"

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

The dormitory collectively groaned again. The laughing had stopped, but now they had to listen to two geniuses argue like they were four.

* * *

Despite the extreme lack to sleep the night before, the students were actually quite animated during breakfast. This was due to the announcement that the Eriks were actually going to show up and teach their class, _Write Me In Character or I will Punjab You_. The sessions for this class had either been previously cancelled, or they had guest speakers.

As the students filed into the classroom, Eve noticed that other staff members were there as well. She saw both of the Christines and both of the Raouls (who were probably just there because the Christines were.) The Persian, the Leroux!managers, and M. Reyer were also there. Mlle. Alaina and Mlle. Mirielle stood near the back. Eve guessed that the Eriks actually teaching a class was such an event that everyone wanted to see it.

The Eriks came stalking in glaring at each other. But when they reached the front of the room, they switched their glares to the students. Webber!Erik was the first to address the group. "Today, we are going to discuss those stories that insist on pairing us up with a woman other than Christine."

Leroux!Erik scoffed, "It would never happen." Eve saw the Christines smile slightly at this.

Webber!Erik sent him a glare and said, "We agreed we would approach this in a rational manner. So, no comments from the peanut gallery." Leroux!Erik just glared back at him. Webber!Erik turned back to the class. "Now we are not saying that it is impossible for us to fall in love with another woman, but-"

"What?" Both Christines had stood up, and their eyes were filling with tears and their lips quivering. Leroux!Christine said, "But, Erik…" at the same time Webber!Christine said, "Angel…" They both then ran out of the classrooms with the Raouls following closely behind. Eve noticed that the Raouls had exchanged a high-five, and she could have sworn she saw Leroux!Raoul stick his tongue out at the Eriks. The Eriks both made a move to go after the Christines, but Mlle. Alaina cleared her throat from the back of the room.

"You two agreed that you would teach this class today. So finish the lesson and then you may chase after your respective ingénues."

Leroux!Erik stalked up in front of Webber!Erik and spoke. "But there are some other women characters that we can rule out. The first among these is Christine and Raoul's daughter. While we might take an interest in her because she is Christine's daughter, it would be strictly platonic. Why? Well, the most important reason is age. It is generally agreed that I am about fifty during the book. By the time Christine's daughter is old enough for me to even think about romantically, I would be about seventy."

Several students started shifting around, obviously having a mental picture of a twenty year old kissing a seventy year old. It was not a pretty thought.

Leroux!Erik jerked his thumb towards Webber!Erik. "Even Mr. Half-Mask, here, has to deal with the age thing. He is generally seen not as old as I, but he is probably in his mid-forties. This would put him in his sixties." He then surveyed the class and surmised, "Judging by the looks on your face, I see we have explained that one fairly well."

"As we are dealing with relations of Christine, we feel we should also mention 'the sister.' Christine does not have a sister. But even if she did, we would not fall in love with her just because she is Christine's sister. Even if you make her more beautiful and have a better voice than Christine." Webber!Erik said, taking over for Leroux!Erik. He then mumbled something that sounded like "not possible."

Leroux!Erik continued the speech with, "We taught Christine to sing! No one can sing better than her. No one, because we DID NOT TEACH THEM!" Erik roared, and then more calmly continued, "And just because a woman is scarred or disfigured, it does not mean we will automatically fall in love with them. In fact, it is really hard to write a believable other woman character for us. So, why don't you all stick with pairing us up with Christine?"

"Hey! OPA does not endorse any relationships." Mlle. Mirielle yelled from the back. The two Eriks looked at each other and exchanged a grin (which was scary in itself).

"Well, OPA may not, but we do. Now may we please leave?" asked Webber!Erik. Mlle. Alaina looked like she was about to refuse, but then she just sighed.

"It's your opera house. Just don't kill the Raouls. We need them." With that, the Eriks raced out of the room searching the Christines and their unfortunate suitors.

A.N: Insert generic author's notes here.


	9. CoMCWaSoBLOoVoHTCB

OPA was quiet. Too quiet.

Deirdre found herself released from Webber!Carlotta's loving care and was currently recovering in the hospital wing. Rumor was that she is still mumbling about African deserts and whalebone corsets.

Pre-Madonna hadn't left the staff section in days. Ever since the Erik lovers (with Jenny- Raoul lover and Andy- Meg lover) found her in the staff wing, she (they assumed it was a she) had been stealing students in the night. After they returned the next morning, most, if not all, of their hair was missing. Pre-Madonna had an obsession with hair.

The minis were lethargic, and even the Eriks were quiet. Random maniacal laughter hadn't broken out in three days! The days after the end of the Maniacal Laugh War had been full of the Eriks attempting to gain points in the Ultimate Opera Ghost Competition. The unusual passiveness of the Eriks worried Mlle. Alaina and Mlle. Mirielle. When the Eriks had left JJC Beowulf and Puff (their favorite Punjab targets) alone, Mlle, Alaina and Mlle. Mirielle attempted to send them the hospital wing. But the Eriks claimed they were working on something that needed their undivided attention. This announcement left two very nervous Raouls and a large collection pool on what the project was. (The most popular was a Fop Catcher, which lead to increased agitation with the Raouls.)

The silence was soon shattered. After several of the staff members started to read more fan fiction, a new coalition was formed. A coalition that consisted of _only _staff members.

The Coalition of Minor Characters Who are Sick of Being Left Out of Versions or Having Their Characters Butchered.

Or C.o.M.C.W.a.S.o.B.L.O.o.V.o.H.T.C.B for short.

Or Minor Characters United as they were known by the students. Face it; it took a long time to say the title, or the abbreviation.

Their leader was the infamous Spanish-Diva-attempting-to-be-Italian, Webber!Carlotta. Most of the minor characters of the Phantom universe had not intended to be staffers at OPA, but Webber!Carlotta, insisted...well showed up uninvited. So Webber!Carlotta joined up with Leroux!Carlotta and started their coalition.

When the coalition first announced its existence, many of the students and staff, laughed at the idea. How were the Carlottas butchered? Then the coalition received respect when more people started to join. It started small with Daddy Daaé (who dropped by to visit his daughter before becoming confused on _which _Christine was his and left.) Then some of the bigger guns joined up: The Persian, Joseph Buquet (only Webber!Buquet, considering Leroux!Buquet died a chapter into the book), Mama Valerius, Philippe, and Cecile Jammes (who believed that, because she was mentioned in passing in the book, was an EXTREMELY important character.) The Megs had even been known to hang around the edge of the group. More joined until it seemed that the only ones NOT in the coalition were the Eriks, Christines, and Raouls (the Mme. Girys even joined!)

The Raouls thought that the Christines and Eriks should join them in, the short lived, Terrific Trio Times Two, or TTTT. The group failed miserably due to the Eriks wish for solitude, except, perhaps, the Christines, and the fact that they refused to belong to anything that had the word 'terrific' in it. The Christines didn't understand the title and stared blankly at the Raouls while they attempted to explain it.

So, the Eriks may be resting (even though Aislin pointed out they don't need to sleep) but the Opera House was far from peaceful.

"Support C.o.M.C.W.a.S.o.B.L.O.o.V.o.H.T.C.B!" Mama Valerius cried at two passing students. Unfortunately, it took her so long to say C.o.M.C.W.a.S.o.B.L.O.o.V.o.H.T.C.B that Michael (OPA's first and only male student) and Avoca Highlander passed by unscathed. Mama Valerius looked very upset; her tidy pink nightcap was halfway off her head. She was sitting in her wheelchair in the main hallway, trying to garner support for her society. C.o.M.C.W.a.S.o.B.L.O.o.V.o.H.T.C.B members had been taking shifts sitting in the main hallway (the hallway no one could avoid, hence it being called main) and poor Mama Valerius' shift had just begun. Apparently, she disliked being left out of the stories, especially the Leroux based ones. Did people honestly think Christine would not take poor Mama Valerius with her? It is in the book! It is canon! This was the battle cry of many a member of the Minor Characters United Society.

"Excuse me," came a voice from behind Eve. She had been walking to her class, "19th Opera: Songs NOT from the ALW musical", when a stout man accosted her. He was a stranger and didn't have the haggled look of a student. In fact, he wore a nice suit, not full evening dress the patrons have to wear. "Miss, do you know who I am?"

"No?" Eve replied, hoping he wasn't anyone important.

"You are the thirteenth person today!" cried the distressed looking man. "I am Carolus Fonta! The main Tenor in the Opera Garnier! How do you think Operas were sung without men! Do you think Little Giry put on pants and became Faust?"

"What about Piangi?" asked Eve while thinking: _What in the world was a Faust?_

That, apparently, was the wrong thing to say. Carolus's face turned red and just started shouting about how he was the original Tenor, and how ALW didn't know anything

The tenor went on in this thread for quite some time to a stunned Eve.

AN: Apologies for the short chapter. Please continue to read and review. Remember, you can still sign up for OPA via email. Not through reviews.


	10. Sueitis

Eve and Avoca Highlander were running down the hall to the banquet room. Well, they were sort of running. Avoca Highlander recently gave into her fangirl impulses and attempted to sneak into The Persian's room. While The Persian was surprised that he had a luster, he was, none the less, very displeased. Avoca Highlander had not told anyone what he did to her, but the students were certain it was nothing too pleasant (you can't be the closest "friend" to Leroux!Erik and also spend most of your life in Mazanderan without picking up a few things). So Eve was supporting Avoca Highlander down the hall, and trying to urge her to go faster. The not-so-minis had decided they liked the students' food. Now, in order for anyone to get anything to eat, the students had to get to the banquet room early, before the not-so-minis emerged from wherever they spent the night.

When they finally reached the banquet room, they were greeted by a very surprising sight. The Eriks were down in the student section and were actually talking to the students! In fact, they seemed to be initiating the conversations. Eve couldn't hear what the Eriks were saying, but the students seemed to smile and respond adamantly. Leroux!Erik would then write down their answers in a little notebook with a red pen (it became too much trouble for him to carry around his red ink, so he demanded that Mlle. Alaina procure him one of the pens that he had seen the students use). They managed to walk among the students with very few attempts at attacking them (once every minute instead of once every ten seconds. The students of OPA were making progress). The Eriks did not even seem to care about the would-be "glompings." Oh, none of the attempts were successful, but the Eriks did not once pull out their Punjab lassos. A certain step this way, or an appropriately placed arm, ended all tries of the students to get to their lust objects. Lorena Soul and Amanda collided with each other and knocked themselves out when the Eriks both took a step forward. Rhiannon attempted to grab Webber!Erik's cape, but he took a swift step to the side, and she got nothing but air and fell on her face. Lejindarybunny took a different tack. She pretended to be interested in what Leroux!Erik was writing and managed to get relatively close behind him. But when she was about to pounce, Leorux!Erik merely threw back his fist, and Lejindarybunny fell to the floor.

Eve helped Avoca Highlander to her seat, then went and sat by Angel of Opera (who had to deal with Webber!Christine following her around the first few days of her enrollment). "What are the Eriks doing?"

Angel of Opera shrugged her shoulders. "I am not sure. They haven't been by our table yet. But I think it has something to do with whatever it is that they are working on. If that is the case, I am throwing more money on the Fop Catcher idea." Very little could get a bunch of Erik fangirls so excited as imminent pain to the Raouls.

"Ah, Mlle. Eve. Mlle. Angel of Opera. I want your opinion on something." Both girls looked up to see Webber!Erik striding to their table, leaving Meg (the student, not the Webber or Leroux version) crumpled on the floor. She had been in mid-leap when he moved. "What would you—"

"Erik! Oh, my Erik!"

Everyone turned and looked at the woman who came running into the banquet room. She was dressed in rags, but her hair still shone a brilliant blonde as it flowed behind her. Her skin was all milk and cream, and her eyes were a vibrant green. She turned those eyes on the two Eriks, who were still in a state of surprise at her entrance. She started walking towards them with her arms open. "Oh, Erik. Save me from my terrible life on the streets. I have come to the Opera House to find shelter and to find someone to train my voice. Even though it is so wonderful that it doesn't need training."

It was the worst fear of any canon character: a Sue. Both of the Eriks started shoving each other forward.

"She is talking to you."

"Oh, no. She is definitely talking to you." They continued on this bent as the Sue came closer and closer to them. Airmid Star ran out of the room in search of Mlle. Mirielle. The Sue seemed a little confused at the sight of the two Eriks shoving each other, but she eventually decided that Leroux!Erik must be "her Erik."

"Ha!" cried Webber!Erik. "I told you she was talking to you." He then saw the distressed look on Leroux!Erik's face (or as much of a distressed look one can have when one's face is covered by a mask) and said, "Oh, just Punjab her and be done with it."

Leroux!Erik reached for the lasso he kept in his coat, but his hand came out empty. The students stared in shock. How could Leroux!Erik misplace his Punjab lasso? The Sue kept coming closer, and Webber!Erik seemed about to Punjab her himself when a lasso appeared around the Sue's neck and she was jerked backwards. Everyone expected to see Mlle. Mirielle holding the other end of the lasso, but it wasn't the not-so-mini trainer who stood there.

"He is _my_ Erik!" hissed Leroux!Christine as she wound up the Punjab lasso. There was pure silence as everyone just stared at the blonde soprano. The silence only broke when Mlle. Mirielle came running in with her lasso out.

"Where is the Sue? Where is she? I will—" She stopped when she saw the dead Sue and Leroux!Christine. "Oh, never mind."

Leroux!Christine turned and looked at Mlle. Mirielle. "He is my Erik. No one else's."

Leroux!Raoul came in at that moment and heard what Leroux!Christine said.

"But, but Christine. What about me?" said Leroux!Raoul as his eyes filled up with tears. Leroux!Christine looked at him with contempt in her eyes.

"What about you? You are a cry baby. Erik is by far the better choice." Once she said that, she walked over to Leroux!Erik and gave him the Punjab lasso. "I am sorry, my dear. I borrowed this without asking." She then kissed him on the forehead. After seeing this Leroux!Raoul ran out of the room with tears threatening to spill over. Most of the students cheered loudly.

Mlle. Mirielle cautiously approached Leroux!Christine. "My dear, are you all right?"

"I am fine. Ever since I talked to that nice lady who was wandering the halls, I have been seeing things a lot more clear."

"Nice lady?"

"Yes, she looked like that thing over there, but different." Leroux!Christine said as she pointed to the dead Sue.

Mlle. Mirielle turned and ran out of the room. As she left, she called to one of the students, Emma. "Go find Mlle. Alaina. Tell her we have a bad case of Sueitis and that I have gone Sue-hunting."

While everyone waited for Mlle. Alaina to arrive, they watched Leroux!Erik and Leroux!Christine with fascination. She had put her arms around his waist, and he looked incredible uncomfortable. Webber!Erik had a pout on his face as he watched them. "Why couldn't my Christine have contracted Sueitis?" he murmured.

Mlle. Alaina came rushing in with half of the staff on her heels. Apparently, they all wanted to see what was happening. She walked up to Leroux!Christine and removed her arms from Leroux!Erik's waist. "Come. Let's take you to the Headmaster and make you feel better." She started to lead Leroux!Christine out of the room. Before she left, she turned around and addressed the room. "This is why you must inform us right away if you see a Sue. A canon character could contract Sueitis by coming in close contact with one and take on personality aspects not intended for them." She then turned and took Leroux!Christine out of the room, muttering encouraging words to her.

Leroux!Erik still seemed shocked at the recent events, but he soon snapped out of it and chased after Mlle. Alaina and Leroux!Christine. He could be heard calling as he ran down the hall: "Mlle. Alaina! Do we really have to take her to the Headmaster? Can we just leave her the way she is? Please?"

A.N: Beware the Sues. As always, please review.


	11. The Wonderful World of Betas

Sues swarmed OPA for the next couple of days because the Headmaster, the first line of defense against Sues, was busy with Leroux!Christine (who was recovering with great speed according to Mlle. Alaina). Due to the massive number of Sues, the Eriks ensconced themselves within the fifth cellar and refused to leave, even when the Persian and Mlle. Mirielle begged.

Regarding Mlle. Mirielle, all the students, true to their wagering habit, placed bets on the time she would collapse from exhaustion. She and Mlle. Alaina were constantly running around with Punjab lassos, trying to bring all the Sues down. At one point a Sue was so close to Leroux!Raoul—a target unexpected by the staff—that Mlle. Mirielle couldn't Punjab her and had to tackle her. It was interesting to watch, considering that the Sue started to scream. However, since she was mute (many Sues were either missing one of their five senses or had a sixth one), it seemed like the students were watching a silent movie.

The worst Sue attack came when Countess Ibtesam Quenby Datherine Murray snuck her way into the kitchen. It was bad enough that a Sue managed to get into the kitchen, but she used her silky red and blonde hair to bind the regular cooks and cooked for the students. She made a soup that combined foods and spices from Persia, Scandinavia, America, and Ireland. All who ate it wound up with food poisoning and had to stay in the hospital wing. Poor La Sorelli ate some and afterwards believed that she was, in fact, an umbrella.

What made matters worse was that the Countess Ibtesam Quenby Datherine Murray managed to escape being Punjabbed. When Mlle. Alaina sent out her lasso, Countess Ibtesam Quenby Datherine Murray managed to put her hand at the level of her eye! Apparently, she was Raoul's bastard sister, whom the Persian desperately loved. Because of his love, he taught her how to defend herself against Erik.

Apparently, the creator of this Sue never thoroughly read the book, because the Sue had no idea how to escape the torture chamber when the true Persian lured her in. Fortunately, the creator of the Sue was promptly enrolled in OPA.

Thankfully, slowly, ever so slowly, OPA once again was restored to its usual state of mayhem. The Eriks, however, still did not show up to teach their classes. Considering the Eriks, this wasn't too out of the ordinary. However, with the lack of Eriks, the students grew bored and complacent.

This meant the administration had to take to matters into their own hands. It began when Miranda Ellanore Sondran (who demanded to be called by her full name) turned in a paper to M. Andre with a sentence that read, "teh reson that you trusted the Vicotme was he was the financial baker." After reviving poor Andre, Mlle. Alaina took Miranda Ellanore Sondran and threw her into the Salon of Spelling. When she reappeared, she had words including 'the,' 'to,' and 'their' tattooed on her body. She was also seen cuddling a dictionary to her chest.

All students discovered the wonderful world of the beta. Mlle. Mirielle gave a speech on it.

A four hour-long speech.

"All right, you brats," Mlle. Mirielle started. "It is fairly obvious that you do not know about this not-so-kept secret of writing fanfiction. It is called a beta. Love your beta! A beta is the one thing that stands between you and absolute humiliation. They make sure your characters are in character. They make sure your grammar is at least readable. Love your beta! Pick a beta who knows your fandom. Love your beta!"

She continued in this vein for the next three hours and fifty-six minutes. She repeated the line "love your beta" at least three hundred times. (Megan claimed it was three hundred and two times. She kept count.) The speech actually would have been longer if it hadn't been interrupted. Mlle. Mirielle was saying "love your beta" for the three hundred and first time when a laugh tore through the auditorium.

"IT WORKS! IT LIVES!" came the cry of one of the Eriks, followed by a laugh from the other. The students stampeded to find the long lost Eriks.

"Love your beta!" Mlle. Mirielle yelled after them.

* * *

Eve was hurting. She was hunting for an Erik, walking down a hall she had never seen before, minding her own business, when a large ellipsis hit her from behind. When she turned around, she stood face to face with a group of three not-so-minis. Christiene, Corlotta, and Madame Gurly looked at Eve for a minute, then unleashed a veritable volley of punctuation in her direction. She ran down the hall as quickly as possible, but no less than four commas and three periods hit her and she collapsed to the ground. The volley ended and the not-so-minis hopped (or, in the case of Madame Gurly, scurried) past her. The not-so-mini Punctuation Posse (PP for short) was on the hunt for more victims.

Eve lay on the ground for a while, trying to regroup her strength, when she noticed Mlle. Alaina walking down the hall. Not knowing if she was allowed to be there, Eve quickly hid behind a statue of a nymph. Mlle. Alaina was muttering to herself, not an uncommon occurrence, when she suddenly looked down the hall.

"Ah, Erik, I have been looking for you!" Mlle. Alaina said, quickening her pace.

Eve jumped out from her hiding spot. An Erik! Webber!Erik!

Webber!Erik didn't turn around to look at Mlle. Alaina when she spoke to him.

"Erik? Are you all right?" Mlle. Alaina asked.

Slowly, the Erik turned and spoke two words: "Help me."

Mlle. Alaina screamed. Upon seeing what she saw, Eve screamed, too:

"GERIK!"

The sound of rabid fan girls' footsteps echoed throughout OPA.

A.N: As always, please review. A note, though: the authoresses are well aware that there is a piece of work out there called "Whose Lair is it Anyway?", which may be similar to the next two chapters of this story. Before we are rabidly attacked, please take this into account. First, this was planned before WLIIA appeared. Second, when WLIIA first appeared, one of the authoresses started to read it. She stopped once she realized the similarity in context. She stopped reading in order to protect OPA from being called plagiarized. So, any similarity to WLIIA is an honest coincidence. Thank you.


	12. The Eriks' Mistake

The Eriks were quite proud of themselves. Their plan had worked perfectly. Leroux!Erik had been intrigued when he heard a student mentioning an entity known as "Gerik." After looking into the matter, he and Webber!Erik decided that this must be the answer to their anti-luster prayers. During their research, they discovered that many of the students indicated that they would love to be with Gerik. Eventually, they managed to pull Gerik into their world through a plot hole. Now the students would chase after him instead of the other Eriks. Judging by the stampeding that could be heard throughout OPA, they were very successful.

"What a brilliant idea to look up this 'Gerik.'" Webber!Erik said to Leroux!Erik (which was the first compliment the half-masked Phantom ever paid to his Leroux counterpart) as they were freely walking through the halls of the Opera House.

"Well, I am a genius," was the reply.

Webber!Erik suddenly stopped. "I am a genius, too!"

"Ha!"

"Why you no-nosed…." But Webber!Erik was unable to finish his insult, for a young man with very long dirty blond hair came walking around the corner. When he saw the Eriks, he jerked to a stop with his long cloak settling around him.

"Who are you?" he asked with menace in his voice.

The two Eriks looked at each other and then back at the young man. "Who are we?" Leroux!Erik asked incredulously. "Who are you and what are you doing in my (Webber!Erik coughed) _our_ Opera House?"

"Your Opera House? It is mine. I am the Phantom of the Opera," replied the young man.

The two Eriks looked the man over from his long, natural hair to his perfect face (complete with a fully formed nose). Then they looked at each other and started to laugh hysterically. They laughed so hard that they fell to the floor. Leroux!Erik even made a weird snorting noise (which was quite remarkable due to his lack of nose). When they finally regained their composure, they realized the strange man was gone.

* * *

Even though Eve had been one of the first to leap at (and chase) Gerik, she was quickly shoved to the back of the group as more and more students joined in the pursuit. Eventually, the stampede realized that Gerik was no longer in front of them. Even if he was confused, he was still a Phantom of the Opera and, thus, knew how to disappear. The group heaved a collective sigh of frustration and began to break off into groups in search of Gerik. Eve, Misty Breyer, and Lunas decided to search the backstage area. They had just reached the stage when they bumped into a dark-haired woman who looked very confused. She did not look like a student, nor was she a member of the staff. The woman jumped back from the three girls and started to gesture extravagantly. She began to talk but no noise came from her mouth. The girls just stared at her stupefied. The woman continued to move her mouth, and seemed to be getting frustrated as it became apparent that the girls did not understand her. Finally, she seemed to decide that it wasn't worth the effort and walked off the stage with her head thrown back, one armed stretched out and the other against her chest. 

"Well, that was weird," Lunas commented

"Yeah," agreed the other two.

* * *

Webber!Christine was looking for Webber!Meg. She had been really bored ever since Leroux!Christine had been taken to the Headmaster. Webber!Erik had been working with Leroux!Erik constantly on whatever their project was, so he had not had time to give her singing lessons. And she couldn't find Raoul. She was walking down the hallway in the staff section towards Webber!Meg's room when a dark shape detached itself from the shadows. At first she thought it was Webber!Erik, but when she looked closer she noticed that it wasn't him and she had no idea who he was. But he apparently knew her. 

"Christine?" He reached a hand toward her. Christine backed away before his hand could touch her face.

"Who are you?"

"It is I. Your Angel of Music."

"No, you're not." Christine said as she kept backing down the hallway. Christine was very confused (which wasn't that uncommon). This man looked like her Phantom, but she was sure it wasn't him. He kept coming towards her, and Christine decided the best thing to do was to run and try to find Webber!Raoul.

She turned and started to run down the hall when she crashed into another person. As soon as she recovered from the crash, she looked at who she had run into. It was a young woman with curly dark hair and dark brown eyes. It was like she was looking in a mirror. This became too much for Webber!Christine; she fainted. The look-alike that she bumped into also fainted. When Gerik finally reached Webber!Christine, he looked at the two woman on the floor and was very confused. Before he could figure out what to do, he heard the dreaded sound of fangirl squealing, and took off down the hall.

* * *

Leroux!Raoul was walking toward the classroom he shared with Webber!Raoul. He and Webber!Raoul decided that they needed to figure out some sort of plan, in case the Eriks' secret project turned out to be a Fop Catcher. As he turned the corner, he noticed Leroux!Erik walking towards him. Leroux!Raoul tensed up (as he normally did when he encountered Leroux!Erik) but tried to act innocent and hopefully give the Erik no reason to Punjab him. When Leroux!Erik noticed him, he seemed surprised. 

"What are you doing here, boy?"

Raoul tensed up even more "Um, nothing. I was just going to plan a few lessons with Webber!Raoul."

"Webber!Raoul? You mean there are more than one of you?"

"Uh, yes."

Leroux!Erik walked up to Raoul and put his hand on Raoul's forehead. "Are you feeling alright?" Leroux!Raoul nodded. "If you are schizophrenic, you should have informed me. If I had known, I would never have given Christine to you." He sighed and then continued to walk down the hall. Leroux!Raoul stared at the Erik in confusion. He was about to turn to his classroom when he noticed a small Siamese cat following Leroux!Erik. Leroux!Raoul shook his head as he continued down the hall. _Since when did Leroux!Erik have a cat?_

When he reached the classroom, he walked in saying "I just had to strangest encounter with Leroux!Erik." He stopped short at the sight of eight other men in the classroom besides Webber!Raoul.

"I think I win on the strange encounter scale," said Webber!Raoul.

"Who are they?"

"Well, I can tell you their names, but I don't think it clears much up. I am still confused." Webber!Raoul gestured to a man with chin length blond hair. "This is Philippe de Chagny, who is not your older brother." He then pointed to one with short brown hair. "This is Richard Dutton. He is from London." He, then, gestured at the two other men, who were happily chatting. "The one on the right is Anatole Garron, a baritone, and that is Raoul D'Aubert, a detective." Webber!Raoul paused and took a deep breath. "Now here is where it gets really interesting. The last four are all named Raoul de Chagny. Well, I know three are. I am assuming that is the last one's name as well. He doesn't seem to have the ability to speak."

Leroux!Raoul looked over the Raoul de Chagnys (two of which had a resemblance to himself and Webber!Raoul; one had really ugly long black hair). "Uhhh, maybe we should go find Mlle. Alaina and Mlle. Mirielle."

"I agree."

* * *

Eve, Misty Breyer, and Lunas eventually gave up the Gerik search and headed to the dining hall for some food. Several other students were already gathered there and seemed to be having an interesting discussion. 

"I swear! He was wearing this ugly gold metallic mask! I don't know which Erik it was, but that mask has lowered my opinion of him," Dragonlet was saying.

"Yeah, something weird is defiantly going on. I saw the Persian chasing after some creepy-looking guy in a strange hat. He was yelling something about that guy stealing his job," Alicia added.

Before anyone could utter another word, they heard Mlle. Alaina scream, "LEROUX!ERIK! WEBBER!ERIK! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" All the students watched the course coordinator stalk into the room with Mlle. Mirielle running to catch up. Mlle. Alaina stopped in the middle of the room and looked up.

"I know you two are hiding around here somewhere! Come out and face up to what you have done! And when you get out here I am going to personally…." Mlle. Alaina stopped suddenly and the color drained from her face. Everyone turned and looked where Mlle. Alaina was staring. In the doorway stood an elegantly dressed man with a glutinous, pit-marked face. (Eve was suddenly reminded of Imhotep!Mummy in _The Mummy_.)

"Hey, that looks like Freddy Krueger," said Alexandra.

Mlle. Alaina fainted.

Mlle. Mirielle looked at the still form of the course coordinator and just said "Great."

AN: All hell has broken loose. So sit back, relax and enjoy the insanity of the wonderful world of Phantom. Please review and enrollment is always welcomed, except in reviews!


	13. The Madness in OPA

The look of absolute frustration on Mlle. Mirielle's face was priceless, Eve decided. Mlle. Alaina was just lying on the floor, prone to the ministrations of the not-so-mini scorpions and grasshoppers that came to investigate the cacophony. The man in the door looked a bit confused and walked forward to Mlle. Mirielle.

"Excuse me, Mademoiselle. Was this lady's fainting spell my fault?" asked the Freddy Krueger man with surprising eloquence.

"I am afraid so. Could you help me take her to the Headmaster?" Mlle. Mirielle asked after trying to heave her sister over her shoulder. The Krueger figure elegantly swept Mlle. Alaina into his arms.

Mlle. Mirielle quickly walked out of the room to show the man the way. "Your name doesn't happen to be Erik Destler, does it?" she asked.

"Yes, it does," the now-named Erik Destler replied.

"Figured as much," Mlle. Mirielle said with a sigh. "I am going to kill Webber! and Leroux!Erik."

* * *

So it began. Mlle. Alaina lay infirmed in the office of the Headmaster, who hoped to restore Mlle. Alaina before ridding OPA of its... problem. From almost every Phantom universe, the characters descended.

All the Raouls formed a coalition in which no less than three Raouls accompanied each other around OPA at all times. (Many of the Raouls vied for Schumacher!Raoul to be in their group. He boasted that he beat his Phantom in a duel.) The Raouls' first goal was to find their respective Christines, which turned out to be harder than originally expected. When they first started on their quest, the mute Raoul walked away before any of the other Raouls could notice. ("He is silent!" cried Argento!Raoul in their defense.) They couldn't find him for two hours until they ventured into the auditorium. They found a play being performed, with twenty students watching the production.

'Raoul you are here!' read one of the cards that Christiene was holding up to the students. Several not-so-minis had been conscripted to translate.

'How could I leave you ?' read Roul's card.

Throughout this short exchange, the Raoul and Christine gestured extravagantly—until a figure came into the room. He had his right arm against his chest and his left arm thrown out in front of him. His face was covered by a mask that came to right underneath his nose and had a little veil over his mouth. The Christine ran behind the Raoul so quickly that everyone present felt they missed half of her movements. The Erik, seeing this, looked around and walked into one of the many torture chambers that now peppered OPA. Relieved, the Christine and Raoul pair (now dubbed Silent!Christine and Silent!Raoul) ran towards the coalition of the Raouls. Silent!Raoul gestured furiously at the group (with Roul translating on a card as fast as his pinchers could go). Before Roul could hold up the sign, a black blur came running into the room.

"Where is he! Silent!Erik, where is he!" shouted Mlle. Mirielle, who was dragging three midgets behind her (one claimed he was the devil, another had heavy grease paint on his face, and the last was holding a tailless rat).

All the Raouls (and the one Christine) just looked at Mlle. Mirielle in befuddlement. What on _Earth_ was Mlle. Mirielle doing dragging _midgets?_ Mlle. Mirielle kicked open another of the torture chambers, this one in the floor, and pushed the midgets in.

"No Erik should even _think_ about turning on torture chamber #652!" shouted Mlle. Mirielle before turning back to the coalition of Raouls. After surveying the group she took a quick head count. "Ten?" she muttered to herself. She then looked down her nose at all the Raouls (which was difficult to do, she being a whole head shorter than the shortest one).

"I am going to call your name and you will go to that side of the auditorium," she decreed. "I want my two originals over there now." She pointed and Raouls Leroux! and Webber! walked over.

"Kay!Raoul!" she shouted. No one moved. An irritated look crossed her face. "You there! You are now Kay!Raoul." She pointed to one of the men that looked like Leroux!Raoul.

"Schumacher!Raoul!" She pointed to one of the men that looked like Webber!Raoul.

"Argento!Raoul!" She pointed to the Raoul with waist-length black hair and a cane.

"Silent!Raoul!" Silent!Raoul knew his place and quickly walked over to the other Raouls, with Silent!Christine at his side.

"Raoul D'Aubert!" The police-uniformed Raoul, of course, knew his name.

"Richard Dutton!" A short-haired Englishman also stepped forward.

"Ant, Anatlo, oh, you!" shouted Mlle. Mirielle when she failed to pronounce the baritone Anatole Garron's name. It was so confusing having two Raouls from one movie. Shouldn't one Raoul be enough? Did Raines!Erik really deserve two?

"The Philippe de Chagny who is NOT a brother to a Raoul." The blond shoulder-length-haired nobleman stepped forward.

"Oh, bloody hell." Ten Raouls meant nine—well, eight now that Silent!Christine and Silent!Erik were accounted for—eight Christines and Eriks to find. "All of you stay here and keep Silent!Christine with you!" Mlle. Mirielle said as she left the room.

* * *

Three hours later, Mlle. Mirielle had enlisted the help of three students, one of the greatest helps being Neshomeh. The students were instrumental, considering that Mlle. Alaina was still recovering from her breakdown in front of Erik Destler. They had caught two Megs, one rat catcher, an Inspector Ledoux, three Carlottas, and one Erik.

Neshomeh must have had a built-in character sensor, for she found the two Megs arguing with the three Carlottas in a small music room. Reacting quickly, Neshomeh locked the door on them and put a sign up that read, "Warning: Mad Minis Inside." Needless to say, the sounds of the Carlotta's shrieks warned away any curious minds more than the sign.

Lorena Soul captured a dirty, mad rat catcher who was attempting to hide from Inspector Ledoux, who was dramatically looking for him, in a cellar. Mlle. Mirielle pushed the rat catcher into the torture chamber that was right next to him and shouted for the Eriks to leave torture chamber #54 alone.

Crafty Inspector Ledoux ran away during the rat catcher's capture, but he was shortly apprehended by Arias, who tackled him to the ground. Neshomeh found a bit of rope lying nearby (never know when an Erik might need to make a second Punjab lasso), bound the poor Inspector, and threw him in with the rat catcher.

"Why did we need to tie him up?" asked Lorena Soul.

"If we pushed him into the torture chamber while he was unbound, he would be able to free the both of them. Since he is bound and can't speak, he can't help the rat catcher," Mlle. Mirielle explained.

"What if the rat catcher frees him?" asked Neshomeh.

"He is missing most of one of his thumbs," Mlle. Mirielle airily replied. The three girls shuddered.

The easiest target to catch, ironically, was an Erik. Erique Claudin, or Raines!Erik, was coming out of a dressing room when he heard the band coming. Apparently he had failed Stealth 101: instead of sneaking back into the dressing room, he fled slowly down the pastel-painted halls, dressed entirely in black. Sighing, Mlle. Mirielle quickly Punjabbed the lasso-less Phantom. With an abnormally large grin, Neshomeh shoved him into the dressing room and locked the door.

"I never liked that Phantom," she stated after the deed was done.

Also among the captured was a small Siamese cat named Ayesha. A close run-in with Kay!Erik left Ayesha confused about where her master was. Mlle. Mirielle rescued the poor cat and attempted to use her to lower her blood pressure (everyone knows petting cats is good for that!) The scheme seemed to be failing, considering Ayesha clawed Mlle. Mirielle's arms every few minutes.

The haggard administrator was now sneaking around looking for Christines. She was hot on their trail, because their giggles were growing ever louder. The giggles unnerved Mlle. Mirielle. Who knew what canon would be destroyed by the invading Christines?

"You mean, you kissed him on the lips? Twice!" cried Leroux!Christine, safely back from the Headmaster's office, in jealousy, for she only kissed Erik's forehead.

"Uh-huh," came the nervous reply from Schumacher!Christine.

"Webber!Christine, why didn't you tell me?" Leroux!Christine asked.

Webber!Christine just shrugged. "You seemed happy with your forehead kiss. I didn't think you wanted to know."

"I kissed him, and I would never do it again. He killed my love, and he followed me home," came the dazed reply from Christine Day, who did not seem to enjoy the attentions of Erik Destler. All the other Christines ignored her.

"Well, we did more than that," came the sultry voice of Argento!Christine, along with a murmur of agreement from Kay!Christine.

Mlle. Mirielle was, by now, in full sprint towards the room with the Christines, 'Must protect the canon!' resounding in her head.

"What?" came the voices of six Christines.

"Well, we—"

"NOOOOO!" came the resounding shout of Mlle. Mirielle, along with a disgruntled _mrow_ from Ayesha, as she tackled the two talkative Christines to the floor. "MUST PROTECT THE CANON! PROTECT CANON!"

All of the Christines who were still standing stared down at the exhausted not-so-mini trainer as a swarm of fangirls came rushing towards the room.

Where there is a Christine, an Erik is not far behind.

* * *

For those who have not seen most of the movies: here is a list of our guests:

**1925 Silent Film**: Silent Erik, Christine, Raoul, and Inspector Ledoux

**Claude Raines Version**: Erique Claudin, Anatole Garron, Raoul D'Aubert

**1989 Robert Englund Version**: Erik Destler, Christine Day, Robert Dutton, Devil!Midget

**1990 Charles Dance version**: Philippe De Chagny

**Susan Kay's Phantom**: Kay! Erik, Christine, Raoul, Ayesha

**Dario Argento Version**: Argento! Christine, Raoul, Phantom (not named appeared last chapter), Rat Catcher missing part of his thumb, midget holding rat with a missing tail

**Schumacher 2004 film**: Gerik, Schumacher! Christine, Raoul, midget with grease paint (also called mini me Piangi)

The Megs and the Carlottas do not come from a specific film, yet.

AN: Please review and our beta had a tough week so if there are any mechanical errors, they are ours and ours alone. Love your beta!


	14. To Catch Eriks

The Christines were smarter than many people gave them credit for. When the stampede of fangirls came swarming towards their room, Dance!Christine had the presence of mind to slam the door right in Random's face.

So, the fangirls waited. Surely, an Erik would appear! But an Erik never did, and so Mlle. Mirielle and the Christines were stuck in their room.

Even though the Christines weren't as dull as many believed them to be, it was too much for Mlle. Mirielle to be monitoring their conversations. At any point the delicate canonical balance of OPA could be destroyed! So, she gagged Argento!Christine and Kay!Christine to make sure that the most radical changes in canon didn't occur. After two hours, however, Mlle. Mirielle lost her temper.

"Let me out of here, you brats!" Mlle. Mirielle screamed as she hit the door. After the third time failing to open it, she resorted to threats.

"I will find out who is out there! You will clean all of the Eriks' torture chambers, and I will allow them to turn them on! Let me out!"

"Mirielle? Are you in there?" came a sweet voice from outside the door. Well, it wasn't really sweet, but Mirielle had never been so happy to hear Alaina's voice in her life.

"LET ME OUT!"

Oh yes, Mlle. Mirielle was in there.

The door opened, revealing several fangirls. Many, including Eve, were sitting outside the door with a sheepish look on their faces.

"Attack," Mirielle said, and the Punctuation Posse came running down the hall throwing commas, umlauts, apostrophes, and an ellipsis.

Turning to Mlle. Alaina, Mlle. Mirielle said, "Well, you seem recovered."

"As long as Erik Destler keeps away from me, I am fine. Dare I ask what are in that room?"

"Christines... all of them."

"Oh, dear."

* * *

Mlle. Mirielle and Mlle. Alaina were not the only ones who were hunting Eriks. Several student groups braved the threat of the Punctuation Posse and searched high and low for the masked (or unmasked in the case of Argento!Erik) men. But since the only un-stealthy Phantom had already been captured, the students were not being met with any success. But there were others who were looking for Eriks, and they were determined to capture them all.

"I say we Punjab the one without a deformity first," Leroux!Erik suggested.

"Just what I was thinking. How about the one with the gold metallic mask second?" suggested Webber!Erik.

"Wonderful suggestion. Phantoms are meant to blend in, not wear some gaudy monstrosity."

Leroux! and Webber!Erik were sitting up in the rafters around the chandelier and were placing all the other Eriks in the order that they were to be captured or Punjabbed. Even though Leroux!Erik detested Webber!Erik and vice versa, they decided to band together to get rid of the invading Eriks. Two was more than enough for OPA (even though there were sure to be some students who would disagree).

"Which one should be next? The one that Mlle. Mirielle already captured?" Webber!Erik asked as he looked over the list of Eriks.

"No. It would be too easy. Hmmm, how about the mute one? Even though he is a rather good adaptation of me, his gestures drive me crazy... or more crazy than normal."

"All right, I will put him down. The little veil on his mask bothers me. So, what are your thoughts on capturing them? Should we just stalk and Punjab?"

Leroux!Erik looked as thoughtful as a man wearing a mask could. "Why don't we lure them all into one room? Then we could give them the option to leave, and if they refuse we can Punjab them."

"Excellent! Now how do we get them all into one room?" Webber!Erik questioned.

"Well, how do you get us to go anywhere voluntarily?"

Webber!Erik's eyes lit up. "Ah, the Christines."

"Exactly."

* * *

Leroux!Christine was very nervous. She had just left the room that contained all the Christines when Leroux!Erik appeared beside her. After discerning that she was no longer infected with Sueitis, (which caused him to sigh regretfully), Leroux!Erik requested that she walk around OPA while singing "The Jewel Song" from _Faust_. When Leroux!Christine asked why, Leorux!Erik had just smiled and said that it was a simple request that a teacher was making of his student. It was not the request itself, but Leroux!Erik's parting comments, that made her nervous.

"Pay no heed to anyone who might be following you. Just keep walking, and when you have walked the whole of OPA, please proceed to the fops' classroom. I will be waiting there to critique your performance."

Leroux!Christine had nodded and watched as Leroux!Erik disappeared down the hall. She was now in the theater, as it seemed as good a place as any to start her singing trek. She glanced around, took a deep breath, and began to sing. She walked out of the theater and down the hall. She continued singing as she walked all around OPA. She started to walk faster towards the Raouls' classroom when she noticed shadowy figures out of the corners of her eyes. As she turned down the hall towards the classroom, she noticed Webber!Christine walking toward her. She was also singing, but instead of _Faust_, it was "Think of Me" from the musical. They both stopped singing when they reached the classroom.

"Webber!Erik asked you to walk around singing?"

Webber!Christine nodded. "I am assuming Leroux!Erik asked you the same?"

"Yes. Do you know what is going on?"

"I think it has something to do with all the other Eriks, Raouls, Christines, and other characters wandering around."

Leroux!Christine started. "Other Eriks!"

"I believe she is referring to us, my dear"

Leroux! and Webber!Christine whirled around and stood facing six men. Then they saw the door slam behind the men. Before the Christines could recover from that, they heard a noise behind them and spun around again to see Leroux! and Webber!Erik standing there.

"Excellent job, child."

"I am very proud of you, angel."

Leroux!Erik looked over the invading Eriks and narrowed his eyes. "Now, we have much to discuss."

Leroux!Christine realized she had very good cause to be nervous as she found that she and Webber!Christine were now locked in a room with eight very insane men.

AN: Many apologies for the delay with this chapter. We did not expect it took take this long to come up with a chapter but, with both authoresses graduating, having finals, and, in the case of one authoress, looking for a job in the real world, OPA took the backseat. Once again, thank you for all your reviews, many of them were helpful. While we do not make it a policy to address individual reviewers, we will address one.

Lunasariel: The Grasshopper jumps jolly high!


	15. To Save a Christine

Usually when Leroux!Raoul was worried, he merely relieved his worries by turning to a good book or having a nice nap. However, when Leroux!Christine and Webber!Christine (not to mention all of the Eriks, save the bumbling Erique Claudin) went missing, his usual habits were not enough.

It didn't help that all the other Raouls had their Christines (except, of course, Webber!Raoul).

Something was rotten in Denmark.

And Leroux!Raoul was determined to get to the bottom of it. So, after enlisting the help of Webber!Meg, La Sorelli, Philippe, and the Persian, Leroux!Raoul went off in pursuit of his Christine.

* * *

"I'm tired."

"Keep your hand at the level of your eyes, Monsieur le Comte, or I will cut it off."

"Upstart foreigners."

"CHRISTINE! Where are you! You are late for ballet! Maman is not happy!"

Yes, this was the band that would save the Christines: a tired prima ballerina, a cranky Persian, a Comte who, oddly enough, was in a snit, and a ballet rat with impressive lungs, Leroux!Raoul thought with despair.

Oh, Leroux!Raoul wished Webber!Raoul was with him. But, no, now of all times, the ALWMovie!Raoul had chosen to impart to Webber!Raoul a few tricks in sword play. A few tricks in swordplay that could _only_ be demonstrated in a cemetery located two miles from OPA. (All that seemed to be needed to beat the Phantom was an unbuttoned white shirt. The Raoul lovers were currently in their own heaven.) This left Leroux!Raoul to find the Christines, because, face it, no one else was helping (though, to be fair, the Persian did come up with the idea that to find a Christine one should find an Erik).

After traversing what felt like the whole of OPA, including the cellars on the Persian's suggestion, where Leroux!Raoul was forced by Philippe to look in the boat, the group found themselves back in the lobby without the Christines.

Where in OPA were the Christines? The group started to go back to the auditorium when they heard a suspicious noise from inside the Raouls' classroom.

"You bastardizations must leave," came the distinctive voice of Leroux!Erik.

"Us? Bastardizations?" came the indignant reply of what sounded like… Leroux!Erik.

The Persian knocked on the door.

"Erik, what are you doing in there?"

The door swung open. "Nadir?" asked Leroux!Erik.

"Huh?"

"Daroga!" called the voice of another Leroux!Erik.

"Monsieur Persian!" came the call of Webber!Christine.

"Christine!" Leroux!Raoul shouted.

"Raoul?" Leroux!Christine asked.

"Meg!" shouted Webber!Meg.

All looked at her.

"What?"

Leroux!Raoul shook his head and returned his attention to the Christines.

"Christine…s, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Reading!" Webber!Christine cheerfully replied, holding up the Raouls' textbook, _Why Good Guys Stay Good Guys: Not Turning a Good Character Evil _by B. Nice.

"Oh," Leroux!Raoul said, the only syllable that could sum up his thoughts.

"Monster, what are you doing to the Mademoiselles?" the Persian asked, reverting to his old epitaph for Leroux!Erik.

"Which 'monster' are you talking to?" asked Dance!Erik.

"That one!" the Persian said, pointing to one who appeared to be Leroux!Erik.

"Are you sure? I am Kay!Erik, apparently."

Poor daroga. He did not know which Erik was, for lack of a better adjective, _his. _The daroga shivered as he thought this—he could almost feel the slashers penetrating his brain.

"I am Leroux!Erik," said the Erik closest to Leroux!Christine.

"I knew that," the Persian mumbled.

"We are trying to get these others—GET AWAY FROM HER!" Webber!Erik suddenly interrupted himself as Gerik moved closer to Webber!Christine.

"—Others to leave OPA," Leroux!Erik finished.

"I like it here," Argento!Phantom said, through his blond mass of hair.

Silent!Erik made a huge dramatic gesture and Erk held up a card that said, "I agree."

Philippe made a small choking noise in the back of his throat at the thought of all these Eriks in such close proximity. He only had one ally, Jerome de Chagny, the older brother of Argento!Raoul. The odds were not in their favor.

"Why don't you visit?" Webber!Meg asked.

All looked at her. "You all leave and then you come and visit us!"

"What?" asked Dance!Erik.

"All of you others, leave OPA and then we can invite you back," clarified Meg.

"It is a good idea," La Sorelli said as she stroked Philippe, who was on the verge of a panic attack, on the brow.

"We must ask the Headmaster," came the solemn voice of Leroux!Erik. The Headmaster was the only one the Eriks feared, and respected.

"I said, stop it!" Webber!Erik said as Gerik once more made a move towards Webber!Christine.

* * *

AN: Sorry about the wait, reality reared its ugly head and my muse put a ban on OPA, instead preferring vignettes.

One thing: the only time that you should think that we are abandoning OPA is if we say that we are abandoning OPA. Until that distant day, patience.


	16. Of Pop Exams

"So, the Eriks want the other Eriks to come and visit. What do you think, Alaina?"

"I think OPA just got a lot more interesting," Mlle. Alaina said to Mlle. Mirielle. "We always counted on having guest speakers, but I think it helps that the students receive a crash course in the other realities. As long as Erik Destler's visits are kept at minimum."

"The Headmaster will never go for it; too much of a canonical risk," Mlle. Mirielle replied.

"The Headmaster is an enigma. Come along, Mirielle, and make sure you bring the not-so-minis. I am going to announce that the students have exams next week."

"Oh, honestly Alaina, my not-so-minis are tired. Can't it wait for next week?"

"And miss the look on the student's faces when I announce Gerik is gone and they have exams? Not on your life."

* * *

Eve pounded her head on the textbook laying on the desk. Her brain was about to explode from all the knowledge that she was trying to retain. She still had the Christines' class to study for, and she could barely concentrate on the Raouls' book and their study sheets (the Raouls were the only ones to actually provide study sheets; it was part of their new campaign: _Raouls: A Few Good Men_). Eve lifted her head and glanced around the library. There were many students in the library, but few were seriously studying. Many were trying to figure out a way to convince the Eriks to bring back Gerik. There were also several staff members in the library researching the most obscure facts in _Phantom of the Opera_ history or they were poking the few students studying, like Cecile Jammes.

The Auctioneer was walking around handing the students the latest C.o.M.C.W.a.S.o.B.L.O.o.V.o.H.T.C.B newsletter, while Madame Firmin was trying to convince Meimu and Adonis Emery, call me Emery, that she was a very important character….even though she only had one line (one word, actually). Lefevre and Poligny were arguing about which one of them was the better ex-manager. Maddy and Libris started collecting bets from the surrounding students on how soon the two managers would come to blows.

Eve realized that she would not get any studying done the library, but she couldn't go back to her dormitory because she knew that the not-so-minis were doing an inspection. They were really looking for any illicit materials such as pictures of student's respective lust objects. So Eve decided to just leave and find somewhere else to study. As she left she handed Maddy some money. Her bet was five minutes, tops.

* * *

Eve soon realized that her plan to find some place peaceful to study was not going to work. Many of the doors to other rooms were locked and the distractions in the hallways were as bad as they were in the library. Webber!Meg was currently teaching Leroux!Meg how to reach the right pitch to have a truly blood-curdling scream.

"Like this….OHHHHHHHHHH!"

"No, no, you need to put some more fear and horror into it. Also, try to scream a little higher. Take a deep breath and do it again."

"Ok…..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Webber!Meg jumped up and down and clapped her hands. "That's perfect! You hit it exactly."

Eve had to jump out of the way as Firmin, Andre, and Webber!Carlotta came running down the hall.

"What is it? What has happened? Ubaldo!

"Oh my God! My God!

"We're ruin-." Firmin stopped and glanced at the two Megs who were just standing in the hall looking very calm.

Andre blushed and said, "Sorry, force of habit." Then he, Firmin, and Webber!Carlotta quickly walked away.

Eve continued to walk down the hallway trying to open doors. _How come none of them are unlocked?_ Eve was getting frustrated and she started to hit the walls trying to find one of the many trap doors peppered throughout OPA, but no such luck.

The last straw was when Eve caught sight of the Punctuation Posse. Not wanting to be hit with whatever punctuation the PP was throwing that day, Eve took off running. She kept running, taking twists and turns, and not paying any attention to where she was going. She opened up a random door (_Thank God, I finally found one that is unlocked_) and, once inside, she shut the door and sank to the floor. _Peace at last_, thought Eve. Then she heard a throat clear. Eve looked up and saw that she had ended up in an occupied classroom.

"Ah, welcome Mlle. Eve." Leroux!Erik "Erik was just about to hand out the exams"

"Exams! But they are not until next week!" Eve cried out.

"Are they?" Webber!Erik asked. Then he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Doesn't matter. We have decided to give our exam now. And since it is my-" Leroux!Erik coughed. "-our opera house, we can do whatever we wish. Consider yourself lucky that you found the exam room. Anyone who is not here fails."

"But it isn't fair! How could you plan an exam and not tell anyone when or where it is?"

"I would hope that by now you have realized that nothing, which pertains to the students, is fair at OPA. Now sit down, or fail."

Eve grumbled and took a seat next to Reneé Moreau. She hadn't even begun to study for the Eriks' class, since she thought it would be the last exam given.

Webber!Erik handed out the exams as Leroux!Erik explained what they would have to do.

"Your exam is quite simple. You must write a story based on Erik."

The students started to murmur to each other. Write a story based on Erik? That would be easy! Many started to pick up their pens and started to write. But Leroux!Erik wasn't done yet.

"And when Erik says based on Erik, Erik means based on Erik...Leroux!Erik. Your story must be completely within the Leroux canon. No other version of Erik may be used. And it must be at least fifty pages. You have two hours."

The students looked at the two Eriks with disbelief in their eyes. This did not bode well at all, especially since Leroux!Erik was referring to himself in the third person. Before they could form some sort of protest, Webber!Erik had a few last words to throw in.

"Oh, before you begin, I feel we must remind you of something. Remember that our class is called _Write Me in Character or I will Punjab You_." Both Eriks pulled out their punjab lassos and smiled.

Leroux!Erik laughed, "Happy writing!"

* * *

Le Author's Note: Six months is a horrific amount of time. Honestly, the time flew by. One of the authoresses claims all responsibility to working many hours and moving to Washington DC. In fact this chapter may still remain uncomposed if the other authoress didn't harp continually. A slight note: while this story has been checked three times for errors some may still occur. Why? Because it has been six months since we have communicated with our beta. We feel it would be rude to suddenly disrupt the beta's life to drop everything for a story many considered to be dead. Always be extremely considerate of your beta; they can be vindictive and add errors should they wish.

If anyone signs up for OPA in reviews again, we will be seriously put out. Signing up over reviews jeopardizes the story and the author's account. It is mentioned in the first chapter to not sign up in reviews. Read everything before signing up, it is a good habit. Also, enrollment remains open.


	17. In Which a Diary is Confiscated

Eve looked anxiously at the clock. She had two minutes left and she was only on page thirty. She had been writing nonstop for the 118 minutes since she started, even though she had a brilliant idea: role reversal.

It was, well, brilliant. No other word could describe it. Not only did she just have to recopy the story, granted it was from memory but she knew her stuff, but she loopholed through writing Erik in character. If Erik was the starry-eyed ingénue and Christine was the Phantom(ess) of the Opera, there weren't any set character types and Eve was in the clear! She even felt a thrill of joy when she thought of the brilliant title "Phantomess of the Opera." The only bit of trouble she had was when she realized that she had to change Raoul's gender, but there can be an unmarried vicomtesse, right?

While on page thirty one (Raoulette has just been assaulted by Christine in the Perris-Golic graveyard), a loud noise rocked the room. Leroux!Erik had slammed his hands on the pipe organ, effectively stunning the students.

"Hand in your… masterpieces," Webber!Erik said with a sick smile on his lips.

Eve ran to the front to turn into her work. Even though it was short, it was a work of art. She hurriedly walked out of the classroom only to run smack into Mlle. Mirielle.

"I'm sorry," Eve said, as she tried to inch around the not-so-mini trainer.

"One moment, Eve," Mlle. Mirielle said, stepping in Eve's way.

"Yes?"

"You know where the not-so-minis sleep, correct?"

Everyone knew where the not-so-minis rested—Apollo's Lyre, all the way on the top of the roof. Several students found it while trying to reenact All I Ask of You (Reprise) from the Webber musical.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Please escort Perris-Golic there." Mlle. Mirielle said as she gestured to the not-so-mini grasshopper beside her.

"But, why! We are in the second basement! Do you have any idea how long it takes to get Apollo's Lyre?" Eve cried. Now she would never be ready in time to for the Raouls' exam. Not that she planned on studying, but it was an excuse.

"My dear, you created poor Perris-Golic, it is only right that you introduce him to the rest of his family. By the way, I go to Apollo's Lyre every day to train the not-so-minis. Enjoy the weather, Paris is stunning in the winter."

Sometimes, Eve hated this place.

* * *

Dearest Darlingest Diary, 

I hate this place. Not even the idea of seeing an Erik every day makes me happy. I want to go home! I will never write fan fiction ever again! From now on Erik shall only live on in my mind, not on paper. They can't get me in my mind! If I want to imagine Erik bathed in the blood of Raoul while sleeping with Karbella, I can! If I want to imagine Erik bathed in the blood of Raoul while with Nadir, I CAN! This will be my quiet rebellion. Our pens will cease! Our minds will take over! Let us revolt! Let u

This diary has been taken into the custody of the Official Phanphiction Academy (O.P.A.)

* * *

"Did you hear?" Beth said. 

"What?" Maddy said.

"Someone's diary was taken by the administration!"

"You're kidding! They can't do that! Freedom of Speech!"

"Dude, we are in France," piped Emry.

"Still!"

"How did they know?" Erin asked.

"I heard Erik is a psychic and can tell when people write naughty things about him!"

"I heard it was the not-so-mini, Erick, that was psychic."

"You are both wrong, it is Argento!Christine who told them. She left behind her psychic gift in a box for Webber!Erik."

Everyone stared at Meimu.

"Or not."

"As amusing as this speculation is, it was the Headmaster who informed us of the student's diary," Alaina said from behind the students. "Take this as a warning. If anyone else has something that should catch the administration's attention, I suggest you get rid of it. Now."

Poor Teh Perisan was nearly squashed in the stampede to destroy evidence.

* * *

AN: Love life, love your beta, think clean thoughts. Yes, we know that possibility of an inherited title of vicomtesse is negligible, thank you. For those of you that are not up to date on your peerage laws of inheritance, the title would pass to the nearest male relative upon the vicomte's death. The daughter of a comte is 'Lady,' not vicomtesse. 


End file.
